My Ear Candy #39 Fiona van Aswegen

I would like to say I’m rarely left feeling inadequate but, on reflection, this isn’t strictly true. I regularly come across individuals who’s stories are so inspiring that I wonder what the hell I’ve been doing with my grubby life all these years, and Fiona, my radio guest last week, was of that ilk. She shared enough snippets from her life to have me questioning my own four decade lurch from fiasco to farrago, unintentionally having me contemplate my naval. It’s probably best I don’t dwell upon this psychiatrist’s chair any longer though or the straight jacket brigade will be knocking on my door forthwith.

Fiona travelled in from Perth, her husband, Peter, chauffeuring and vowing not to speak on air himself, a vow he honoured despite my attempts to dissuade him. It is he who’s responsible for the South African surname by the way (that’s a matter of fact not criticism.) Fiona was born and bred in Perth, studied at St Andrews University then spent time travelling around Africa before returning to Scotland where she picked up a career in music. Perhaps you’re beginning to empathise with my sense of inadequacy now. These days she has a business called Kranôg which provides innovative, luxury, self catering accommodation, brilliant looking units of substantial quality, take a look for yourself here. We had a good chat about the likely locations for such inventive accommodation and agreed that rural settings seemed to lend themselves rather more than the inner city suburbs that I’m accustomed too. I’m not sure her gaffs would be well placed alongside Birmingham’s canals which boast discarded shopping trolleys and beer cans floating limply atop murky, orange waters.

Turning to Fiona’s musical choices, I did manage to discover room for improvement in an area of her life. And while we’re at it, she doesn’t like football either so that’s crying out for attention too. The first track Fiona shared was a winner, Freddie Mercury and some opera singer warbling a duet called ‘Barcelona’, a triumph indeed. It was the only track I recognised though and while followed by a listenable piano piece, the choices thereafter weakened with a shocker in particular from Mika (who I learn I’m the only person in the wider world never to have heard of). A pleasant ditty by a South African hero named Johnny Clegg rounded off proceedings, a man I’d never heard of either, to my shame, check this link out to find out what an inspirational guy he is.

Big thanks to Fiona and Peter for being such super company, hopefully we’ll see them back at Mearns FM in the near future by which time I’ll have brushed up on my South African heroes and perhaps done something worthwhile with my life. Nurse!

Fiona’s selections
1. Freddie Mercury & Montserrat Caballé, “Barcelona”
2. David Helfgott, “Flight of the Bumblebee”
3. Mika, “Big Girl (You are Beautiful)”
4. Freshly Ground, “Doo be Doo”
5. Salsa Celtica, “Yo me Voy”
6. Johny Clegg, “Impi”

My Ear Candy #38 Billy Mitchell

Billy Mitchell joined me in the studio this week where, for once, we were blessed with an absence of din from the neighbouring main hall, there’s usually a ceilidh or some such going on but not this week. He’d travelled up from Forfar, a place dear to my heart since it’s my mum’s hometown, and brought his fiancé Jo to keep order. Either Billy is every woman’s dream and Jo couldn’t afford to let him loose on an adoring female public, or, she just fancied a night out. 

The evening got off to a terrific start, the first of his six selections being The Pixies ‘Debaser’, a rollicking indie track, a ten out of ten knockout of a song. He followed this classic however with a collection of less triumphant numbers but I’m slowly learning not to mock the choices of others, even the ugliest of babies have their admirers, someone’s gotta love them. There’s a full list below, decide for yourselves.

Billy is a colleague of mine at Barclays Bank, the pair of us shuffling through our working lives with oodles of cash lying around us, none of which we’re permitted to get our dirty mitts on, regrettably. We’ve talked of effecting a midnight heist but bottled it so far and now that I’ve gone and put that plan on radar here, I doubt we’ll ever get the chance to fill our loot bags with swag before scarpering off into the sunset. All’s not lost though, he has a wedding to pay for in October and you know how much these things cost, he might well have to join me for the old Butch Cassidy routine after all.

I had no idea Billy was an American footballer, that’s to say he’s a Scotsman that plays American football. He informed our audience that a match takes as long as four hours, no wonder the game’s never caught on over here. Besides, we have our own version in the UK, it’s called ‘rugby’ and, unlike the American version, doesn’t involve the putting on of shoulder pads, lipstick and eye shadow. He didn’t accept this comparison and suggested it was indeed a tough sport, but I wasn’t persuaded. 

A good evening was had by all and Billy the. headed off with Jo in search of a pizzeria, an insult really to Stonehaven, the home of deep fried Mars Bars. Some people.

Billy’s selections

Debaser - The Pixies
Cult of Personality - Living Colour
Latch - Disclosure
Sail - Awolnation
Young, Dumb and Broke - Khalid
Still Into You - Paramore

My Ear Candy #37 Alison Ellis

I pen this week’s missive with trepidation since my guest on Friday was Alison Ellis, boasting copywriting skills amongst many of her talents. Botch this and I’ll have enough egg on my face to make an omelette. I’m already wondering if I shouldn’t have split that first sentence into two and as for the use of emojis, I assume these are an industry standard ‘no-no’ but I can't help myself 🙄😬😎.

Alison owns Aberdeen based public relations company Korero, assisting businesses with their internal and external connections. PR is as much about communicating with your own workforce as it is positioning yourself to the wider world and that’s where Korero come in. Have a gander here to get a fuller flavour or better still, choose Stoney Baloney from this Listen Again link and you’ll hear Alison describe her business firsthand. Just fast forward for the bit when she plays ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’.

So, onto the music and the merits, or otherwise, thereof. At the eleventh hour, Alison was forced to revise her selections since one of them was discovered to be so expletive ridden that we’d have been dragged off air within thirty seconds. Jurassic 5 are fine rappers but their mothers’ ought to wash their potty mouths out with soap. Iggy Pop replaced them with his ‘Lust For Life’, a fine choice in stark contrast to the lamentable ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ which had been played earlier, I’ll never forgive myself for the absentminded head bobbing during its airing, boo to studio webcams, I’m now bang to rights. It’s high time I set firmer ground rules regards guests’ choices, there’s just not enough jangly guitared indie, synth driven electro or Bob Dylan to my liking. Such oversights will drive my audience figures southwards and given I’m not into Chris Evans territory quite yet, it needs addressing pronto.

Speaking of audiences, it was a pleasure to have Alison’s four year old daughters, Bella, listening in, although 9.30pm is surely beyond bedtime even if it isn’t a school night. My kids are the same mind you, eking every last waking hour out until their eyelids can take no more. How different, however, when you reach forty something status and the reverse becomes true, I’d kill for an 8pm finish.

The show fair barrelled along as we addressed the merits of male dancing (to my mind there are none), the ‘English, Scottish or British’ argument (both of us claiming to be all three), backpacking, journalism, radio, this and indeed that. Alison is dead to the concept of football chat and for once this was a good thing, I’ve got the hump since Villa lost out on automatic promotion and have no desire to talk about pig bladders right now.

Thank you Alison for a splendid evening, do come back soon (minus the foul mouthed Jurassic 5) and apologies for the lame writing style herewith, consider it an equaliser against your calamitous Snap selection.

Alison’s selections
Malcolm Mclaren – Double Dutch
The Chemical Bothers - Hey Girl, Hey Boy
Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer
Iggy Pop – Lust For Life
The Supernaturals – Smile
Otis Reading – Sitting On The Dock Of a The Bay.