My Ear Candy #9 Steven J Innes

I tend to shuffle into Mearns FM a good hour before I go on air. I risk a dose of botchelism heating my soup in the microwave , thieve another presenter's coffee supplies then wander into studio 2 to line up the evening's music . This week I nuked my mushroom soup to such an extent that it blew up, pebble dashing the oven's interior and I went without coffee because my thievery has been tumbled, he takes his jar of Nescafé home with him now. The track list planning was successful however and the first hour of the show duly blessed by music of the highest order. But then my guest Steven J Innes turned up with his sounds and it went sideways.

In fairness he'd selected tracks that best accompanied his life story, they weren't necessarily a collection of his favourite ever songs. Also I'm a music snob so he stood little chance of a favourable response, that said, it was a bare faced cheek for him to insist on an Andy Williams number. Never again. Granted, the first track was a belter, a melancholic medium paced drifter preceded by Steven's explanation of reaching a point in life, when 30 years of age, he decided life's path must change. His subsequent music choices sound tracked us through this life journey, fascinating it was too, I take my hat off to anyone who takes life by the short and curlies, redirects themselves and sets off in pursuit of a life they truly want instead of staggering from one blunder to another. I speak as a lily livered apologist with no ambition beyond my next meal.

Steven's career has taken him in various directions, none more rewarding than the compering and hosting of events in the Aberdeenshire area and beyond. It takes a pair of sphericals to do that, one thing to broadcast from the anonymity of a radio studio, quite another to put yourself on stage in front of hundreds longing to see you fall on your arse.

I felt it rude not to make mention of Steven's brother, Bryan. I used to play a lot of golf with Bryan back in the 80's before he became Billy Bigtime, winning all those trophies and playing off +3. In passing I reminded Steven that his brother wasn't always such a hotshot and would face drubbings from me up at Stonehaven Golf Club on a regular basis. Golfers amongst you will understand when I tell you my nickname for him was 'dog licence'. My nineteen year break from the game took its toll and I'll need more practice to beat him once again but this I will do in due course.

Thanks to Steven J Innes for being a super guest. Great stuff and if you missed it go on the following link http://www.mearnsfm.org.uk/listen-again and choose Stoney Baloney (possibly from page 2), wind on to the second hour and there's Mr I in all his glory.

Steven's Selections

1. Paul Brady - Crazy Dreams
2. Andy Williams - The Impossible Dream
3. One Republic - I Lived
4. Mr Probz - Nothing Really Matters
5. Louis Armstrong - What A Wonderful World
6. Elton John - Your Song

My Ear Candy #8 Margaret Brown

I talk a good deal of guff on my Friday night radio show, there I've said it. The music's always excellent, there I said that too, but I do allow myself the luxury of inane jabber for the first hour, usually a lament over Aston Villa's demise or a critique of Aberdeenshire's potholes or some such. The second hour however finds me bailed out by guests sharing their favourite tracks, the best bit being the chat about their fascinating lives and Friday's guest was bostin* in this regard (*West Midlands word for 'super').

Margaret Brown is inspirational. Years of beating herself up for not being the person she felt she ought to be culminated in a life changing decision to adopt the mantra 'if it is to be it is up to me'. Her approach to life changed with the voracious reading of self help books and the pity party of yesteryear was replaced with an up and at'em attitude which banished negative thought and demanded not a glass half full but one that brims over. To listen to her enthusiasm for life was a real tonic, it left me realising that life's blessings are there to be counted not taken for granted.

I blotted my copybook though. Margaret's final track was a classical number and my appreciation of this genre is, it's fair to concede, somewhat lacking. The piece (I'm getting the lingo though) I played was meant to be a full-on orchestral performance but I played a piano only version instead, to Margaret's horror. My apologies Margaret, please come back another time so I can make amends (no offence but feel free to leave the 'Heart' number behind next time though 😞).

If you missed the show you've got till next weekend to get it on our Listen Again service,just choose Stoney Baloney from the following link http://www.mearnsfm.org.uk/listen-again


Margaret's selections
1. Highland Cathedral - Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
2. David Cassidy - How Can I Be Sure
3. T Rex - I Love To Boogie
4. Heart - What About Love
5. Jonas Kaufman - Che Gelida Manina (Puccini)
6. shoulda been Israel Philarmonic but I stuffed up and played George Li instead - Friska

The Sniper & Maldini Show

My good friend Allan Davidson (Sniper) reports....

I put my name down to play with another two sporting legends last week since my previous playing partners (Lanky and Shorty baldies) had their names down for the Saturday and I could only play Sunday. With much trepidation then I accompanied two local footballing legends K.Duguid ( ex-AC Mill Inn, aka Maldini) and E.Campbell(ex-Stonehaven Juniors aka Macaroni or Arnie). Kevin's genes must have been passed on to his son Craig since he went on to play professional for, among others, the mighty Aberdeen FC. Arnie's genes, or rather, jeans, are a bit tight.....hence the Schwarzeneger style nickname.

Maldini informed us he was clubhouse leader in the Winter league singles when we alighted then confirmed this lofty status by calmly birdieing the 1st hole, however at the 2nd we looked for his ball for so long that I suggested he night have a magic watch given the allotted five minutes seemed like five hours. Eventually bullet number 1 was declared lost and a no score recorded so we moved to the humpless 3rd which had Maldini's ball short of where they used to be even after three shots, another no score. Onto the 4th and Maldini hit it further left than I've ever seen in my 35, oops sorry lanky baldy, 34 years as a member, eventually reaching the green 27 minutes later, again, no score. Onto the gully and Maldini proceeded to lose bullets number 2 & 3 and I'm now beginning to have my doubts about the previous scores he'd claimed. However, he popped up with some pars until we reached the old 11th, yes bullet number 4 goes for a burton, then onto the old 12th, the piece de resistance, a fresh air shot followed by bullet number 5 disappearing stage left provoking my quip "never mind a magic watch, your regular playing partners must have a magic pencil." Arnie sniggered, I said "what's funny?", he replied " I'll tell you later" and we carried on, Maldini losing the last of his second sleeve of Penfolds. 

We shook hands on the 18th and I wished Maldini all the best in his quest to be winter league champion 2016/17. I then asked Arnie to explain his earlier sniggering and he told me to look at the doubles leaderboard. This I duly did and the penny dropped. Maldini's regular partners were the doubles leaders! I will not name and shame said individuals however most members will by now be aware who Maldini's partners in crime are.

After the formalities, we went to put Maldini's score (current average 39.4) into the computer.and adjourned to the bar. Strangely, Maldini steadfastly refused to remove his glove and only after much coercion was it revealed that it was Mrs Maldini's birthday weekend during which a few libations had been had which lead them to the The Market Bar in Montrose, Stonehaven railway station having been passed through in the land of slumber. I asked again "what about the glove?" to which he replied "the glove is because of last night", upon which he removed the said hand coverer to reveal the stamp of shame! Yes, the Maldini's had gone on to Stonehaven's only night club, Zeeees, the stamp still clearly visible, a shameful confession but still no excuse for what followed on the course last Sunday morning. Consider yourself owned Mr D.

My Ear Candy #7 Ian Hastie

I must say I hold Ian Hastie in the highest regard, not just because he has the brass neck to trouser two hundred grand a year at Stonehaven Golf Club for doing little more than collecting weekend scorecards, but mostly because he has excellent musical taste. Imagine my disappointment therefore when he pitched up to my Friday night radio show with half a dozen middle of the road tracks belying the status I'd formerly awarded him. He has some making up to do when next he's invited on (although that invitation remains in the balance until he surreptitiously wangles me a free lifetime golf club membership, so think on Hastie).

We spoke for a while about his role as Club Manager at Stonehaven Golf Club, not because I'm interested in the slightest but you have to feign interest to warm people up on air. His description of his work wasn't in total accord with the account members provided when I researched my guest in the lead up to our set piece interview. Ian boldly claimed that he earned a living the hard way when rumour in fact has it that he sits in his Cowie based  ivory tower (photo of his office attached), receiving tea and tiffin on a silver platter every hour while toasting his toes against a roaring open fire, resplendent in his smoking jacket and carpet slippers. He'll put his cigar down for long enough to supp Earl Grey from a china cup before reclining once again, perhaps nibbling a garibaldi or raising an arse cheek to break wind at the waitress before sending her on her way. It sure is a tough life being a golf club manager.

But onto the music. I present below the full list of offerings brought forth by Mr Hastie, you'll see for yourself that there's room for improvement when next he appears. It started well with a melancholic shuffle by Sunhouse but took an immediate dive when Loudon Wainright lampooned my hero Bob Dylan with an outrageous pastiche of Talking World War III Blues. Order was restored by a catchy Divine Comedy number but again we drifted back into humdrum centre ground with Ryan Adams before a welcome recovery with REM cantering through an excellent track. The show ended with the Jayhawks. Ian had intended for the show to finish with a Lambchop number but I'd lost faith in him by then so stamped my authority on proceedings, vetoing his suggestion and playing a Jayhawks number that to be fair, Ian had indeed introduced me to some time ago.

Thanks for coming along Ian (despite the outright lies regards the 'work' you do, I fear you may struggle to look yourself in the mirror most mornings) and a special thanks also to Tracey Duncan who bailed the show out when sharing details of a super fundraising event taking place on March 11th, four local bands putting a gig together in support of Aberlour Children's Charity. Looks like a cracking night, myself and Ian will be attending provided we're on speaking terms by then. For more info see this link right here

Ian Hastie's selections
1. Sunhouse - A Good Day To Die
2. Ryan Adams - To Be Young
3. Loudon Wainright III - Talking New Bob Dylan
4. Divine Comedy - The Pop Singer's Fear Of The Pollen Count
5. REM - The Outsiders
6. Jayhawks - Blue
Lambchop - The Saturday Option