My Ear Candy #36 Amy Smith

We had a belter of a show on Friday night for which I take no credit, all thanks going to my special guest Amy, and her fiancé, Andrew. You can listen to a re-run here, just choose the Stoney Baloney Show 

They’d snuck down the A90 from Aberdeen to share Amy’s favourite songs and a good time was had by all, despite the irritating distraction of a Neil Diamond & Johnny Cash tribute act performing in the adjacent room, we broadcast from within Stonehaven Town Hall you see. On any other night I might have bought a ticket but instead we found ourselves serenaded by Ring Of Fire and Forever In Blue Jeans while attempting to share meaningful conversation. I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to the management and no mistake.

Amy has an architectural drawing business called PaQ Design, those few words alone filling me with a deep sense of inadequacy since I couldn’t even draw a stick man. She spends her days designing new interiors for private and business premises, have a gander right here for the full story. Thankfully, given I am to hoarding what Birmingham City are to class,  she’s more than capable of satisfying the demands of us minimalists so a redesign of my shoebox of a gaff is not beyond her, I’ll be in touch. We exchanged pleasantries and established that Amy and Andrew had lived, until relatively recently, in that monumental goldfish bowl people refer to as ‘London’, then tucked into her musical choices which, while providing rich pickings, sadly culminated in a lamentable stinker.

There are two golden rules in community radio; 1) no profanity, and 2) no politics. The second of these we honoured without issue but the first found Amy endeavouring to throw me under a bus, selecting no less than three songs which carried expletives. Thankfully I’m a broadcaster of considerable repute so had the foresight to play her selections to myself earlier in the day, I therefore prepared radio edit versions otherwise this would be the last show I ever broadcasted. Amy Winehouse provided the opening number and flippin’ Bruno Mars the last, a reprehensible selection with which to end, the only saving grace being that the 10 o’clock Sky News kicked in to sabotage it halfway through.

The jewel in the crown though was a terrific number recorded by The Prophets back in 1966. The drummer, Stuart Geddis, is Amy’s uncle and the band were lined up for great things but, like so many good bands, they didn’t break through to the big time. So what though? Thanks to the internet we still have access to nuggets such as this which we can replay to our hearts content and I recommend you give the track a whirl too, just click here, The Prophets.

Before I sign off with a full list of Amy’s six chosen tracks, it’d be remiss of me not to hurl pelters in the direction of her fiancé, Andrew. Despite being in all other regards a gentleman of integrity and kindness, unquestionably devoted to his wife-to-be, here stands an emperor with no clothes, a charlatan, a turncoat and a fraud. Be warned Amy, you’re marrying a glory hunter, an individual who rather than offering support to his local provincial football club, chooses instead to latch onto the repugnant Manchester United and until you address this elephant in the room, I believe your impending marriage ought to be put on ice. No offence, but you owe it to yourself and your family to demand a written explanation from this man before you exchange your wedding vows. In this explanation, he must describe how, despite hailing from Buckie on the Moray Firth, he’s prepared to nail his colours to the Manchester United mast. And while you’re at it, ask him which club denied his the domestic treble at Wembley in 1994 😁👌.

Amy’s Selections
Amy Winehouse – Tears Dry on Their Own
Kings of Leon – Fans
Gregory Porter - Holding On
The Phantoms – Since I Lost my Baby 
Childish Gambino – Redbone
Bruno Mars – Locked Out of Heaven

My Ear Candy #35 Kris Soutar

Kris Soutar and I are second cousins or cousins, depending on who I’m speaking to and what the context is. Let me explain. Our respective parents are full-on first cousins, but, since Kris is a world renowned tennis coach working closely alongside megastar Judy Murray, I have been known to refer to him simply as ‘cousin’. And such nepotism gets even more shameless. If I spot him on telly sitting with the Murray family at a Davis cup tie I claim him as my brother and when he’s found parading in Wimbledon’s royal box he becomes my wife. Gimme a break, if people allow their coat tails to drag on the floor it’s rude not to climb aboard.

Kris came onto my show on a Friday evening and told Mearns FM listeners about his life in tennis, an inspirational story for sure. When a teenager he decided tennis would be his vocation and he’s followed that path for thirty years, coaching, mentoring and teaching players of all levels, sharing the deep passion he has for the game. He’s made tennis his life, inspired thousands to improve and to get more out of their enjoyment of the game.  I on the other hand left my teenage years to drift into timber sales, alcoholism and skulduggery, how I wish I’d been in the same queue as Kris when seeing the careers advisors. I’m dead proud of Kris, find out plenty more about him on his website where you’ll also discover a cracking podcast.

Turning however to Kris’s musical tastes, we find someone quite prepared to sabotage the enviable  reputation he’s hitherto built up for himself. What self respecting individual nominates the guff you find listed below when invited to play their favourite tunes of a lifetime? In a barely listenable set, his crowning floater in the toilet water was Snap’s ‘The Power’ which stooped yet lower when he explained it reminded him of a Turkish nightclub dance floor he’d once shared with his Mum. There were a couple of semi-tolerable tracks and a triumphant finishing number to be fair to him but I’m an indie kid, I play quality music, I have no desire to be associated with mediocre commercial pap. It was torture having to spin some of this bowf. Cousin you say? Sorry, never heard of the guy.

Thankfully, Kris’s musical faux pas’ were interrupted by good conversation and it was a genuine inspiration to hear of his tennis journey. He spends his life encouraging people, instilling belief into them and facilitating an improvement in their lives. I shuffle paper for a living, Kris boosts people’s confidence and self belief. One of us can rightfully pat himself on the back while the other needs a good look in the mirror. Catch you later, I’m off to the bathroom.

Click on this link to hear a re-run of the show. Thanks for being a bostin guest Kris, my beloved  cousin/brother/wife (select as appropriate).

Kris’s selections
1. Nick Kershaw - I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me
2. Hue & Cry - Labour Of Love
3. Snap - The Power
4. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Boom Shake The Room
5. Drops Of Jupiter - Train
6. Sylvester - Do You Wanna Funk

My Ear Candy #34 Andy Simpson

You never know what life’s gonna throw at you. Ask Herbie, a young lad who travelled from Coventry to Stonehaven on Friday, expecting an onward journey directly to his Uncle’s gaff in Drumlithie once he stepped off the train. Instead, he wound up in the Mearns FM studio,  broadcasting to the wider world while his uncle collected an Indian takeaway, an unscheduled radio appearance for Herbie that signalled his debut as a broadcaster. Welcome to the club young man. We played The Specials in honour of his hometown, he said hi to his Mum as she listened online, somewhat bemused no doubt, and he shuffled off to Drumlithie, scratching his head wondering how the hell that happened. Let that be a lesson young man, you just don’t know what’s around the corner, this is the stuff of life.

Herbie was the first of two guests on Friday, the second being Andy Simpson, owner of local company Angus 3D Design and all round good egg. Some folk are just easy company aren’t they? He played six of his favourite tracks, hitting the heights with five of them but letting himself down big style with an absolute howler by Texas, the lamest band to have come out of the UK since Black Lace, proof positive that if you’re in the right place at the right time it doesn’t much matter if you’re any good or not, you just surf the wave and hope nobody notices that the empereror’s wearing no clothes. Texas are so middle of the road they should have dashed white lines painted on them, playing it safe, sticking to a formula that appeals to the lowest common denominator and, in the words of 90s band Electronic, they’ve been ‘getting away with it all my life’. I put the kettle on while Andy shoe shuffled his way through this rotten track but I reckon, privately, even he felt a pang of revulsion as this assault upon our eardrums plodded interminably on.

But let’s focus on the positives. Madness kicked his selections off, their lesser known hit ‘My Girl’ chosen in tribute to Andy’s days as a Rude Boy back in the 80s, when his frame was adorned with full Rudy regalia; trilby, black loafers, Harrington jacket etc. He’s got a cheeky smile Andy,  he’d have been a hit with the ladies for sure, right up till the moment they spotted he was wearing white socks. We learned more about his business in 3D printing and his former career travelling the world in the oil & gas industry, alighting in Dubai for several happy years. The furthest I’ve travelled for work is Tipton, doesn’t benefit from comparison really does it? His two sons are living Dad inspired lives, one in the US, the other pondering Edinburgh or St Andrews, oh to be young again.

The  good music kept coming after the calamitous Texas interlude; the Stones, Manics, even INXS, not a band I’d usually laud but New Sensation grabs you for sure. We had a good natter but the wheels came off toward the end of the show,  all concentration being lost by the presenter. Let me explain. Cardiff City were playing Wolves while the show was on and I had a vested interest in the outcome, if Cardiff lost it heightened the chances of my team (Villa) getting promoted next month. I was keeping the listenership abreast of goings on in the principality, my fingernails totalled as Wolves went into injury time leading 1-0. Then all hell broke loose, Cardiff winning a penalty and missing it, then winning another and missing that too! Joy unconfined in the Mearns FM studio, Wolves winning, Cardiff losing and Villa may yet secure that automatic promotion slot. I punched the air, lost composure on the mic, and Andy Simpson looked on in non-plussed bemusement and with a level of pity. Welcome to community radio my friend, where anything goes, yes even blinkin’ Texas.

Thanks Andy for being a terrific guest. If any of you missed the show just click this link and choose Stoney Baloney.

Andy’s selections
1. Madness - My Girl
2. The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
3. Texas - Say What You Want
4. INXS - New Sensation
5. Manic Street Preachers - Your Love Alone
6. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - By The Way

My Ear Candy #33 Stewart Smith & Drew McDonald

One of the peculiarities of modern day community radio, and there are plenty, is that one can broadcast from an Aberdeenshire studio yet be heard in countries throughout the world. Take my show on Mearns FM for example, there we are waffling away in a dungeon at the back of Stonehaven Town Hall, yet online listeners can pick us up in Poland, Australia and the States. And Kineff. Whether punters choose to or not is a different matter but let’s not spoil a beautiful illusion. My ego’s taken a pounding lately and needs stroking, I don’t think I’ll ever live down the national media’s graphic photograph of me in that leopardskin thong.

Local Scotmid managers Stewart Smith and Drew McDonald were my guests on Friday and mighty fine ones too, despite Stewart’s unpardonable selection of a Bon Jovi track. Bit of a cheek really, I take the trouble to honour his roots by playing a classic from Leed’s finest band, The Wedding Present, and he rewards me with a naff poodle rock number by way of reply. Thankfully Drew compensated for his colleague’s lamentable taste by nominating a Depeche Mode number later by way of an equaliser. And talking of football speak, spot the lame segway, we enjoyed some knockabout chat regards their respective football allegiances. The least said about Drew’s Man United the better, but I have a grudging respect for Stewart’s Leeds United, probably because his club and mine (Villa) have shared turbulent times in recent decades so have a certain empathy for one another. I did however take the trouble to remind Stewart of his club’s inglorious capitulation to mine in the 1994 League Cup Final when the only entertainment Leeds United offered was to wheel the enormous Thomas Brolin on as substitute for everyone to snigger at. Their fans serenaded Brolin to the tune of Dolly Parton’s hit ‘Jolene’ but I’m not sure the lyrics need repeating here.

Scotmid are very genuine about their care in the community, spending hundreds of thousands on local projects and the guys outlined how community organisations could apply, more details here. Stewart and Drew’s nature epitomises the ethos of the company, good, genuine and true although they let themselves down when I enquired whether the Aberdeenshire branch of the Aston Villa Supporters Club (ie. me and my two sons) qualified for funding, somewhat abruptly giving me short shrift. Hopefully your application is received with rather less contempt than mine, apparently they prefer to support such frippery as woodland activity centres for kids, care home garden titivation and various other charitable causes. This is all very well but surely the financing of fortnights trips from Auchenblae to Villa Park should feature somewhere toward the summit of their pecking order.

That being said, I’d like to thank Stewart and Drew for their contributions to a very enjoyable show (I refer chiefly of course to their chat and not their music). If you missed the broadcast then, first, consider yourself admonished and, second, click this link and choose Stoney Baloney, it’s available till April 6th. Happy Easter y’all.

Stewart’s selections
1. Slate - Coz I Luv You
2. Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds
3. Credence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
4. Thin Lizzy - Black Rose
5. Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer
6. Fleetwood MAC - Albatross
7. Bad Touch - 99%

My Ear Candy #32 Tom Keane

I was well excited when Tom Keane agreed to be my guest on Friday. Tom's the owner of a coaching company and I wanted to persuade him to coach my ailing football team since we're stuffing up our promotion prospects. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered he wasn't a football coach but trained folk in the oil & gas industry instead. What good is that to me? There's no point teaching Alan Hutton how to drill a well even if he would be better served with such a change in career. Nevertheless, we ploughed on.

I've known Tom for a couple of years now, we met one Sunday morning at City Church in Laurencekirk. His faith in God has been an inspiration to me and reminds me how reliant I am upon that same God who saved me from alcohol and sustains me still. He lives in St Cyrus (Tom not God) and his four children have produced twelve grandchildren, an expensive Christmas for him and his wife and no mistake. They moved up from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire three decades ago when he accepted a posting to coach firefighters offshore, he's remained here ever since.

I asked Tom to select six tracks, a request he wrestled with long and hard yet still, despite all that,  he plumped for a U2 track. I ask you. My golden rule of not allowing Status Quo was flouted recently and now I find U2 being foisted upon my listenership, it simply won't do. The other tracks were okay, Bowie and 10cc in particular, and I quite liked The Killers number. I'm thinking six out of ten for tonight's choices but it was a pleasure to end with a triumphant worship song so I'll give an extra mark for that. Thanks Tom, you were a terrific guest and if you want the proof here's a link, just choose Stoney Baloney.

Tom's selections
1. The Killers - Read My Mind
2. David Bowie - Starman
3. 10cc - I'm Not In Love
4. Mumford & Sons - Timshel
5. U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
6. Hillsong - So Will I

My Ear Candy #31 Kate McKay

It nearly kicked off on Friday night during my radio show. About halfway through, I bought myself time for a leak by playing a long track, only to receive pelters from some blokes outside in the corridor. There was a gig in the adjoining town hall and hangers-on of the band were giving it the large one as I tried to get past, they'd had a shandy and were now Billy Bigtime. I got the hump and told them so which lead to a confrontation. No blows were exchanged, not cos I'm hard but because the main protagonist was twice my size. I thought better of offering him out.

Back in the studio my special guest, Kate McKay, was being bored rigid by my co-presenter Steven J Innes. I wouldn't usually award him such lofty status but I need to stay on his right side if I want tickets off him for the cup final should Aberdeen turn Motherwell over in the semi. Kate politely humoured him but looked well relieved as I returned from my roadie altercation, there's only so many lame jokes you can tolerate in the course of three minutes. 

Kate owns a creative design bizzerniss called 4Ttude (here's a link) which she successfully got off the ground last year, it's based in Aberdeenshire but deals with people far and wide. I'm in awe of people with the courage to set up a business, it takes sphericals to leave paid employment and go it alone. 4Ttude is thriving and it couldn't happen to a nicer person. Listeners and I learned of Kate's roots in Fife, Freuchie to be precise, although her first four years were spent in Canada. I'm familiar with parts of Fife, thanks to my own family connections, so was surprised to hear from Kate that it had a 'nice' part. No offence like. Apparently Freuchie's a pleasant spot but I need some persuading, just because it's got a cricket club doesn't mean it's got class. Birmingham has a cricket club for example.

We talked of Kate's three lads, (aged 2, 8 & 15), followers of Aberdeen FC on the plus side but with regrettable Man United leanings in the debit column. If their musical tastes are as impressive as their mother's I can assure their prospective girlfriends that if Kate's sons' patter is found wanting, at least their music will compensate, just shove on one of their CDs. Any guest who selects Depeche Mode is fine by me, similarly monkey man Ian Brown can do little wrong and PJ Harvey is quality too, fine choices. The Fun Lovin' Criminals track I played with trepidation, had I mistakenly chosen the blasphemy strewn version my broadcasting career would have been toast but thankfully we got the clean version, so my meteoric rise to fame can continue apace. My agent is making noises about an appearance on the Jonathan Ross Show but that's perhaps a little soon. Besides, I can't stand the bloke (Ross, not my agent).  

Kate's selections rather put Steven's into the shade. I foolishly allowed him a pick too and he plumped for some lame American who had no more right to record music than I do. To top Kate's list off though we had a Bob Dylan cover which sounded superb until the news headlines crashed in on the hour, my time management going all to cock. The number of times I crash music into adverts and news headlines rivals the number of trophies Aston Villa's cabinet contains, hundreds. Still, we'd enjoyed a very pleasant hour together and will do so again later in the year, Kate's the sort of easy company that every weekend should begin with, fun, energetic and classy musical tastes. You can come back too Innes if you get me those tickets, you can forget it if you don't.

Kate's selections

1. Bassheads - Is There Anybody Out There
2. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R.
3. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks
4. P.J. Harvey - The Words That Maketh Murder
5. Depeche Mode - Where's The Revolution
6. Laura Marling - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

My Ear Candy #30 Mechelle Clark

My guest this week was Mechelle Clark, owner of Melt in Aberdeen, a food establishment providing toasties the size of telephone directories, you gotta try one, here’s where you’ll find them.

Discourse was convivial despite my controversial opening gambit claiming Mechelle had spent her life spelling her name incorrectly, her response amounting to the first of several admonishments, all of them warranted. I found myself behaving in an unusually eccentric  fashion tonight, like an  impish, yappy dog you just want to boot out the back door,  giddy and unnecessary. Mechelle handled me patiently but was surely wondering why on earth she’d agreed to buy this damned mutt. In my defence, I had my reasons for such tomfoolery...

Friday was my sobriety anniversary, the one day I pat myself on the back for achieving another year of freedom from alcohol, though all thanks in truth be to God, not me. I was feeling ironically drunk on adrenaline, so performed like rather an arse on air, rubbishing a couple of Mechelle’s tracks and the entire jazz genre (though I make no apology for the latter). I kept my composure for long enough to explain anyone could get sober if I could, there’s help for you here if you feel powerless over alcohol and here if you’re a family member at your wits end.

Mechelle was great company despite my shenanigans. Her attitude to life is one we should all take note of, if not an ‘anything goes’ approach then something pretty close. Her music choices illustrated this I reckon, an eclectic combination of northern soul and avant- grade melody though a regrettable dearth of jangly guitar, I compensated for this when taking the helm for the second hour of the show. It was fascinating learning of Mechelle’s admiration of Bowie and Prince, though I challenged her assertion that Prince was a handsome individual on any eye candy level, not even he could carry off a Hall & Oates style moustache and perm mullet while dressed in a purple mankini. I can though 🙂.

Mechelle’s spirited defence of northern soul convinced me that the vibe of this movement was exciting and inspiring, all night dancing sweatshops and a dress code all of its own, but the music itself wasn’t my bag. Anything approaching Motown turns me off and northern soul flirts dangerously with that.

So to summarise, 10/10 to Mechelle for being great company and an inspiring individual, 6/10 for the music but a commendation for not bringing any jazz. Here’s the link for you to listen to a playback Mearns FM , choose ’Stoney Baloney’. 

Mechelle’s selections

1. David Bowie-Sorrow
2. The Flamingos-I Only Have Eyes For You
3. Luther Ingram-If It’s All The Same To You
4. B52’s-Rock Lobster
5. R Dean Taylor-Ghost In My House
6. Prince-Raspberry Beret