Beating the Blues

Twice a season, while we’re out of the Premiership, Villa have to tolerate 90 minutes against our inglorious neighbours Birmingham City. It’s a tortuous affair, both sets of supporters gnashing their teeth at one another and wishing them nothing but ill, it’s called tribalism and it’s inescapable, I’ve tried it. How is it that an otherwise sane human being such as myself can get so worked up over a football match that he watches it between his fingers while uncontrollably breaking wind? All’s well that ends well though, we turned them over 4-2 and I could breathe again.

And in an infantile demonstration of delight, I dedicated the first hour of my Mearns FM radio show to a celebration of Villa’s routine triumph over Blues, taking the trouble to play a track from bands who’s name starts with each letter in the name ASTON VILLA. This might be considered small time and I’m happy to hold my hands up to such an accusation, but please understand how difficult it is to find yourself 400 miles from Villa Park while your team demolishes its bitterest rivals. And even if the idea was a lame one, at least the resultant music was of the highest order, here’s that glory box in full...

A - The Associates (Party Fears Two)
S - The Smiths (I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish)
T - Teenage Fanclub (Ain’t That Enough)
O - Oasis (Columbia)
N - Gary Numan (Cars)
V - The Verve (Love Is Noise)
I - Inspiral Carpets (Dragging Me Down)
L - The Lemonheads (It’s A Shame About Ray)
L - The La’s (Son Of A Gun)
A - Ash (Burn Baby Burn)

Join me every Sunday 6-8pm and listen online at http://www.mearnsfm.org.uk/for more idle banter and bostin music and you can find last weeks show on there too.

Strive

Well that was an inspirational evening spent with Willie Tulloch on Friday past, even if it was serenaded by 80’s pap. Mearns FM broadcasts from the rear of Stonehaven Town Hall and the main room next door had an 80’s night booming guff through the walls. Not to worry, we trumped their ABBA with our Smiths and cranked up a relentless indie fest to drown them out. 

Willie and his mates set up an organisation called Strive earlier this year, this brainchild emanating from an afternoon watching the Scotland v New Zealand rugby match at Murrayfield in November. Scottish rugby legend Doddy Weir had been announced to the crowd that day and given he suffers with motor neurone disease (MND),  there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. This experience persuaded Willie to devise a way to help Doddy’s charity raise funds for the benefit of fellow sufferers so Strive was born, see see here for details. Hats off to Willie, such ideas often lose momentum by the time you wake up the next morning but he’s seen it through and to say it’s grown arms and legs is an understatement.

In double quick time a number of fund raising initiatives have been lined up, beginning with a five day bike ride in August, up and down Scotland. My eyes water at the prospect of a Stonehaven to Inverness cycle ride  (132 miles if you please) but many have signed up and will rendezvous in Inverness with riders also arriving from Orkney, they’ll then pedal in unison to Perth, Glasgow, The Borders and Edinburgh. A mini rugby tournament is planned, as is a charity ball and you get the feeling there’s more to come as Strive barrel themselves towards their aspirational £75,000 target. In very short order an idea has been hatched and is soon to be despatched, inspirational stuff and if you’d like to hear more you can access our radio chat here until Friday June 22nd, just choose Alex Russon - Stoney Baloney*.

*Apologies in advance for the dead air dithering. I’m a bumpkin when it comes to technology, hitting the wrong buttons regularly to deliver full on car crash radio as I search for tracks that have disappeared into black holes. If it’s any consolation, when these tunes do finally surface, you’ve got the following to look forward to in between Willie and I’s chuntering; Teenage Fanclub, Charlatans, Ride, Depeche Mode, Eels, Tom Petty, The Beat...and, as those ‘Now’ album covers used to declare, many, many more.

My Ear Candy #40 Amy Eley

I sauntered through two very pleasant studio hours with my old friend Amy Eley this weekend,  the perfect tonic to an otherwise difficult week. She’s easy company, her happy disposition settles your mind, reminding you the stuff of life you’ve allowed to cram your head isn’t that urgent a matter really. I’m indebted to you Amy for rounding off a rotten week with a relaxing evening.

Tonight the lessons of Amy’s past appearances were finally learned, guff like Status Quo cast asunder in favour of indie music worth its salt. Amy has become more accustomed to my tastes while not capitulating entirely to my oeuvre, so we enjoyed a list of perfectly listenable efforts, even the Travis one proving surprisingly adequate. The cookies went down well too,  not your routine ‘four for a quid’ packet from Tesco’s, but proper posh affairs from Marks & Spencer.  I really ought to have rolled out a red carpet.

We chatted about family holidays, outdoor concerts (gigs in modern parlance), impending weddings (hers’ not mine), rugby, man buns and swearing. We waffled, blethered and ruminated until Amy departed at 11pm to fetch her karaoke singing fiancé out of an Aberdeen city centre boozer, I haven’t heard from her since so they’re possibly still crooning.

Amy’s selections 

1. Country House - Blur

2. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel

3 Selfish Jean - Travis

4. George Cinammon

5. I Need You Tonight - INXS

My Ear Candy #39 Fiona van Aswegen

I would like to say I’m rarely left feeling inadequate but, on reflection, this isn’t strictly true. I regularly come across individuals who’s stories are so inspiring that I wonder what the hell I’ve been doing with my grubby life all these years, and Fiona, my radio guest last week, was of that ilk. She shared enough snippets from her life to have me questioning my own four decade lurch from fiasco to farrago, unintentionally having me contemplate my naval. It’s probably best I don’t dwell upon this psychiatrist’s chair any longer though or the straight jacket brigade will be knocking on my door forthwith.

Fiona travelled in from Perth, her husband, Peter, chauffeuring and vowing not to speak on air himself, a vow he honoured despite my attempts to dissuade him. It is he who’s responsible for the South African surname by the way (that’s a matter of fact not criticism.) Fiona was born and bred in Perth, studied at St Andrews University then spent time travelling around Africa before returning to Scotland where she picked up a career in music. Perhaps you’re beginning to empathise with my sense of inadequacy now. These days she has a business called Kranôg which provides innovative, luxury, self catering accommodation, brilliant looking units of substantial quality, take a look for yourself here. We had a good chat about the likely locations for such inventive accommodation and agreed that rural settings seemed to lend themselves rather more than the inner city suburbs that I’m accustomed too. I’m not sure her gaffs would be well placed alongside Birmingham’s canals which boast discarded shopping trolleys and beer cans floating limply atop murky, orange waters.

Turning to Fiona’s musical choices, I did manage to discover room for improvement in an area of her life. And while we’re at it, she doesn’t like football either so that’s crying out for attention too. The first track Fiona shared was a winner, Freddie Mercury and some opera singer warbling a duet called ‘Barcelona’, a triumph indeed. It was the only track I recognised though and while followed by a listenable piano piece, the choices thereafter weakened with a shocker in particular from Mika (who I learn I’m the only person in the wider world never to have heard of). A pleasant ditty by a South African hero named Johnny Clegg rounded off proceedings, a man I’d never heard of either, to my shame, check this link out to find out what an inspirational guy he is.

Big thanks to Fiona and Peter for being such super company, hopefully we’ll see them back at Mearns FM in the near future by which time I’ll have brushed up on my South African heroes and perhaps done something worthwhile with my life. Nurse!

Fiona’s selections
1. Freddie Mercury & Montserrat Caballé, “Barcelona”
2. David Helfgott, “Flight of the Bumblebee”
3. Mika, “Big Girl (You are Beautiful)”
4. Freshly Ground, “Doo be Doo”
5. Salsa Celtica, “Yo me Voy”
6. Johny Clegg, “Impi”

My Ear Candy #38 Billy Mitchell

Billy Mitchell joined me in the studio this week where, for once, we were blessed with an absence of din from the neighbouring main hall, there’s usually a ceilidh or some such going on but not this week. He’d travelled up from Forfar, a place dear to my heart since it’s my mum’s hometown, and brought his fiancé Jo to keep order. Either Billy is every woman’s dream and Jo couldn’t afford to let him loose on an adoring female public, or, she just fancied a night out. 

The evening got off to a terrific start, the first of his six selections being The Pixies ‘Debaser’, a rollicking indie track, a ten out of ten knockout of a song. He followed this classic however with a collection of less triumphant numbers but I’m slowly learning not to mock the choices of others, even the ugliest of babies have their admirers, someone’s gotta love them. There’s a full list below, decide for yourselves.

Billy is a colleague of mine at Barclays Bank, the pair of us shuffling through our working lives with oodles of cash lying around us, none of which we’re permitted to get our dirty mitts on, regrettably. We’ve talked of effecting a midnight heist but bottled it so far and now that I’ve gone and put that plan on radar here, I doubt we’ll ever get the chance to fill our loot bags with swag before scarpering off into the sunset. All’s not lost though, he has a wedding to pay for in October and you know how much these things cost, he might well have to join me for the old Butch Cassidy routine after all.

I had no idea Billy was an American footballer, that’s to say he’s a Scotsman that plays American football. He informed our audience that a match takes as long as four hours, no wonder the game’s never caught on over here. Besides, we have our own version in the UK, it’s called ‘rugby’ and, unlike the American version, doesn’t involve the putting on of shoulder pads, lipstick and eye shadow. He didn’t accept this comparison and suggested it was indeed a tough sport, but I wasn’t persuaded. 

A good evening was had by all and Billy the. headed off with Jo in search of a pizzeria, an insult really to Stonehaven, the home of deep fried Mars Bars. Some people.

Billy’s selections

Debaser - The Pixies
Cult of Personality - Living Colour
Latch - Disclosure
Sail - Awolnation
Young, Dumb and Broke - Khalid
Still Into You - Paramore

My Ear Candy #37 Alison Ellis

I pen this week’s missive with trepidation since my guest on Friday was Alison Ellis, boasting copywriting skills amongst many of her talents. Botch this and I’ll have enough egg on my face to make an omelette. I’m already wondering if I shouldn’t have split that first sentence into two and as for the use of emojis, I assume these are an industry standard ‘no-no’ but I can't help myself 🙄😬😎.

Alison owns Aberdeen based public relations company Korero, assisting businesses with their internal and external connections. PR is as much about communicating with your own workforce as it is positioning yourself to the wider world and that’s where Korero come in. Have a gander here to get a fuller flavour or better still, choose Stoney Baloney from this Listen Again link and you’ll hear Alison describe her business firsthand. Just fast forward for the bit when she plays ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’.

So, onto the music and the merits, or otherwise, thereof. At the eleventh hour, Alison was forced to revise her selections since one of them was discovered to be so expletive ridden that we’d have been dragged off air within thirty seconds. Jurassic 5 are fine rappers but their mothers’ ought to wash their potty mouths out with soap. Iggy Pop replaced them with his ‘Lust For Life’, a fine choice in stark contrast to the lamentable ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ which had been played earlier, I’ll never forgive myself for the absentminded head bobbing during its airing, boo to studio webcams, I’m now bang to rights. It’s high time I set firmer ground rules regards guests’ choices, there’s just not enough jangly guitared indie, synth driven electro or Bob Dylan to my liking. Such oversights will drive my audience figures southwards and given I’m not into Chris Evans territory quite yet, it needs addressing pronto.

Speaking of audiences, it was a pleasure to have Alison’s four year old daughters, Bella, listening in, although 9.30pm is surely beyond bedtime even if it isn’t a school night. My kids are the same mind you, eking every last waking hour out until their eyelids can take no more. How different, however, when you reach forty something status and the reverse becomes true, I’d kill for an 8pm finish.

The show fair barrelled along as we addressed the merits of male dancing (to my mind there are none), the ‘English, Scottish or British’ argument (both of us claiming to be all three), backpacking, journalism, radio, this and indeed that. Alison is dead to the concept of football chat and for once this was a good thing, I’ve got the hump since Villa lost out on automatic promotion and have no desire to talk about pig bladders right now.

Thank you Alison for a splendid evening, do come back soon (minus the foul mouthed Jurassic 5) and apologies for the lame writing style herewith, consider it an equaliser against your calamitous Snap selection.

Alison’s selections
Malcolm Mclaren – Double Dutch
The Chemical Bothers - Hey Girl, Hey Boy
Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer
Iggy Pop – Lust For Life
The Supernaturals – Smile
Otis Reading – Sitting On The Dock Of a The Bay.

My Ear Candy #36 Amy Smith

We had a belter of a show on Friday night for which I take no credit, all thanks going to my special guest Amy, and her fiancé, Andrew. You can listen to a re-run here, just choose the Stoney Baloney Show 

They’d snuck down the A90 from Aberdeen to share Amy’s favourite songs and a good time was had by all, despite the irritating distraction of a Neil Diamond & Johnny Cash tribute act performing in the adjacent room, we broadcast from within Stonehaven Town Hall you see. On any other night I might have bought a ticket but instead we found ourselves serenaded by Ring Of Fire and Forever In Blue Jeans while attempting to share meaningful conversation. I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to the management and no mistake.

Amy has an architectural drawing business called PaQ Design, those few words alone filling me with a deep sense of inadequacy since I couldn’t even draw a stick man. She spends her days designing new interiors for private and business premises, have a gander right here for the full story. Thankfully, given I am to hoarding what Birmingham City are to class,  she’s more than capable of satisfying the demands of us minimalists so a redesign of my shoebox of a gaff is not beyond her, I’ll be in touch. We exchanged pleasantries and established that Amy and Andrew had lived, until relatively recently, in that monumental goldfish bowl people refer to as ‘London’, then tucked into her musical choices which, while providing rich pickings, sadly culminated in a lamentable stinker.

There are two golden rules in community radio; 1) no profanity, and 2) no politics. The second of these we honoured without issue but the first found Amy endeavouring to throw me under a bus, selecting no less than three songs which carried expletives. Thankfully I’m a broadcaster of considerable repute so had the foresight to play her selections to myself earlier in the day, I therefore prepared radio edit versions otherwise this would be the last show I ever broadcasted. Amy Winehouse provided the opening number and flippin’ Bruno Mars the last, a reprehensible selection with which to end, the only saving grace being that the 10 o’clock Sky News kicked in to sabotage it halfway through.

The jewel in the crown though was a terrific number recorded by The Prophets back in 1966. The drummer, Stuart Geddis, is Amy’s uncle and the band were lined up for great things but, like so many good bands, they didn’t break through to the big time. So what though? Thanks to the internet we still have access to nuggets such as this which we can replay to our hearts content and I recommend you give the track a whirl too, just click here, The Prophets.

Before I sign off with a full list of Amy’s six chosen tracks, it’d be remiss of me not to hurl pelters in the direction of her fiancé, Andrew. Despite being in all other regards a gentleman of integrity and kindness, unquestionably devoted to his wife-to-be, here stands an emperor with no clothes, a charlatan, a turncoat and a fraud. Be warned Amy, you’re marrying a glory hunter, an individual who rather than offering support to his local provincial football club, chooses instead to latch onto the repugnant Manchester United and until you address this elephant in the room, I believe your impending marriage ought to be put on ice. No offence, but you owe it to yourself and your family to demand a written explanation from this man before you exchange your wedding vows. In this explanation, he must describe how, despite hailing from Buckie on the Moray Firth, he’s prepared to nail his colours to the Manchester United mast. And while you’re at it, ask him which club denied his the domestic treble at Wembley in 1994 😁👌.

Amy’s Selections
Amy Winehouse – Tears Dry on Their Own
Kings of Leon – Fans
Gregory Porter - Holding On
The Phantoms – Since I Lost my Baby 
Childish Gambino – Redbone
Bruno Mars – Locked Out of Heaven