My Ear Candy #33 Stewart Smith & Drew McDonald

One of the peculiarities of modern day community radio, and there are plenty, is that one can broadcast from an Aberdeenshire studio yet be heard in countries throughout the world. Take my show on Mearns FM for example, there we are waffling away in a dungeon at the back of Stonehaven Town Hall, yet online listeners can pick us up in Poland, Australia and the States. And Kineff. Whether punters choose to or not is a different matter but let’s not spoil a beautiful illusion. My ego’s taken a pounding lately and needs stroking, I don’t think I’ll ever live down the national media’s graphic photograph of me in that leopardskin thong.

Local Scotmid managers Stewart Smith and Drew McDonald were my guests on Friday and mighty fine ones too, despite Stewart’s unpardonable selection of a Bon Jovi track. Bit of a cheek really, I take the trouble to honour his roots by playing a classic from Leed’s finest band, The Wedding Present, and he rewards me with a naff poodle rock number by way of reply. Thankfully Drew compensated for his colleague’s lamentable taste by nominating a Depeche Mode number later by way of an equaliser. And talking of football speak, spot the lame segway, we enjoyed some knockabout chat regards their respective football allegiances. The least said about Drew’s Man United the better, but I have a grudging respect for Stewart’s Leeds United, probably because his club and mine (Villa) have shared turbulent times in recent decades so have a certain empathy for one another. I did however take the trouble to remind Stewart of his club’s inglorious capitulation to mine in the 1994 League Cup Final when the only entertainment Leeds United offered was to wheel the enormous Thomas Brolin on as substitute for everyone to snigger at. Their fans serenaded Brolin to the tune of Dolly Parton’s hit ‘Jolene’ but I’m not sure the lyrics need repeating here.

Scotmid are very genuine about their care in the community, spending hundreds of thousands on local projects and the guys outlined how community organisations could apply, more details here. Stewart and Drew’s nature epitomises the ethos of the company, good, genuine and true although they let themselves down when I enquired whether the Aberdeenshire branch of the Aston Villa Supporters Club (ie. me and my two sons) qualified for funding, somewhat abruptly giving me short shrift. Hopefully your application is received with rather less contempt than mine, apparently they prefer to support such frippery as woodland activity centres for kids, care home garden titivation and various other charitable causes. This is all very well but surely the financing of fortnights trips from Auchenblae to Villa Park should feature somewhere toward the summit of their pecking order.

That being said, I’d like to thank Stewart and Drew for their contributions to a very enjoyable show (I refer chiefly of course to their chat and not their music). If you missed the broadcast then, first, consider yourself admonished and, second, click this link and choose Stoney Baloney, it’s available till April 6th. Happy Easter y’all.

Stewart’s selections
1. Slate - Coz I Luv You
2. Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds
3. Credence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
4. Thin Lizzy - Black Rose
5. Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer
6. Fleetwood MAC - Albatross
7. Bad Touch - 99%

My Ear Candy #32 Tom Keane

I was well excited when Tom Keane agreed to be my guest on Friday. Tom's the owner of a coaching company and I wanted to persuade him to coach my ailing football team since we're stuffing up our promotion prospects. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered he wasn't a football coach but trained folk in the oil & gas industry instead. What good is that to me? There's no point teaching Alan Hutton how to drill a well even if he would be better served with such a change in career. Nevertheless, we ploughed on.

I've known Tom for a couple of years now, we met one Sunday morning at City Church in Laurencekirk. His faith in God has been an inspiration to me and reminds me how reliant I am upon that same God who saved me from alcohol and sustains me still. He lives in St Cyrus (Tom not God) and his four children have produced twelve grandchildren, an expensive Christmas for him and his wife and no mistake. They moved up from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire three decades ago when he accepted a posting to coach firefighters offshore, he's remained here ever since.

I asked Tom to select six tracks, a request he wrestled with long and hard yet still, despite all that,  he plumped for a U2 track. I ask you. My golden rule of not allowing Status Quo was flouted recently and now I find U2 being foisted upon my listenership, it simply won't do. The other tracks were okay, Bowie and 10cc in particular, and I quite liked The Killers number. I'm thinking six out of ten for tonight's choices but it was a pleasure to end with a triumphant worship song so I'll give an extra mark for that. Thanks Tom, you were a terrific guest and if you want the proof here's a link, just choose Stoney Baloney.

Tom's selections
1. The Killers - Read My Mind
2. David Bowie - Starman
3. 10cc - I'm Not In Love
4. Mumford & Sons - Timshel
5. U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
6. Hillsong - So Will I

My Ear Candy #31 Kate McKay

It nearly kicked off on Friday night during my radio show. About halfway through, I bought myself time for a leak by playing a long track, only to receive pelters from some blokes outside in the corridor. There was a gig in the adjoining town hall and hangers-on of the band were giving it the large one as I tried to get past, they'd had a shandy and were now Billy Bigtime. I got the hump and told them so which lead to a confrontation. No blows were exchanged, not cos I'm hard but because the main protagonist was twice my size. I thought better of offering him out.

Back in the studio my special guest, Kate McKay, was being bored rigid by my co-presenter Steven J Innes. I wouldn't usually award him such lofty status but I need to stay on his right side if I want tickets off him for the cup final should Aberdeen turn Motherwell over in the semi. Kate politely humoured him but looked well relieved as I returned from my roadie altercation, there's only so many lame jokes you can tolerate in the course of three minutes. 

Kate owns a creative design bizzerniss called 4Ttude (here's a link) which she successfully got off the ground last year, it's based in Aberdeenshire but deals with people far and wide. I'm in awe of people with the courage to set up a business, it takes sphericals to leave paid employment and go it alone. 4Ttude is thriving and it couldn't happen to a nicer person. Listeners and I learned of Kate's roots in Fife, Freuchie to be precise, although her first four years were spent in Canada. I'm familiar with parts of Fife, thanks to my own family connections, so was surprised to hear from Kate that it had a 'nice' part. No offence like. Apparently Freuchie's a pleasant spot but I need some persuading, just because it's got a cricket club doesn't mean it's got class. Birmingham has a cricket club for example.

We talked of Kate's three lads, (aged 2, 8 & 15), followers of Aberdeen FC on the plus side but with regrettable Man United leanings in the debit column. If their musical tastes are as impressive as their mother's I can assure their prospective girlfriends that if Kate's sons' patter is found wanting, at least their music will compensate, just shove on one of their CDs. Any guest who selects Depeche Mode is fine by me, similarly monkey man Ian Brown can do little wrong and PJ Harvey is quality too, fine choices. The Fun Lovin' Criminals track I played with trepidation, had I mistakenly chosen the blasphemy strewn version my broadcasting career would have been toast but thankfully we got the clean version, so my meteoric rise to fame can continue apace. My agent is making noises about an appearance on the Jonathan Ross Show but that's perhaps a little soon. Besides, I can't stand the bloke (Ross, not my agent).  

Kate's selections rather put Steven's into the shade. I foolishly allowed him a pick too and he plumped for some lame American who had no more right to record music than I do. To top Kate's list off though we had a Bob Dylan cover which sounded superb until the news headlines crashed in on the hour, my time management going all to cock. The number of times I crash music into adverts and news headlines rivals the number of trophies Aston Villa's cabinet contains, hundreds. Still, we'd enjoyed a very pleasant hour together and will do so again later in the year, Kate's the sort of easy company that every weekend should begin with, fun, energetic and classy musical tastes. You can come back too Innes if you get me those tickets, you can forget it if you don't.

Kate's selections

1. Bassheads - Is There Anybody Out There
2. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R.
3. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks
4. P.J. Harvey - The Words That Maketh Murder
5. Depeche Mode - Where's The Revolution
6. Laura Marling - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

My Ear Candy #30 Mechelle Clark

My guest this week was Mechelle Clark, owner of Melt in Aberdeen, a food establishment providing toasties the size of telephone directories, you gotta try one, here’s where you’ll find them.

Discourse was convivial despite my controversial opening gambit claiming Mechelle had spent her life spelling her name incorrectly, her response amounting to the first of several admonishments, all of them warranted. I found myself behaving in an unusually eccentric  fashion tonight, like an  impish, yappy dog you just want to boot out the back door,  giddy and unnecessary. Mechelle handled me patiently but was surely wondering why on earth she’d agreed to buy this damned mutt. In my defence, I had my reasons for such tomfoolery...

Friday was my sobriety anniversary, the one day I pat myself on the back for achieving another year of freedom from alcohol, though all thanks in truth be to God, not me. I was feeling ironically drunk on adrenaline, so performed like rather an arse on air, rubbishing a couple of Mechelle’s tracks and the entire jazz genre (though I make no apology for the latter). I kept my composure for long enough to explain anyone could get sober if I could, there’s help for you here if you feel powerless over alcohol and here if you’re a family member at your wits end.

Mechelle was great company despite my shenanigans. Her attitude to life is one we should all take note of, if not an ‘anything goes’ approach then something pretty close. Her music choices illustrated this I reckon, an eclectic combination of northern soul and avant- grade melody though a regrettable dearth of jangly guitar, I compensated for this when taking the helm for the second hour of the show. It was fascinating learning of Mechelle’s admiration of Bowie and Prince, though I challenged her assertion that Prince was a handsome individual on any eye candy level, not even he could carry off a Hall & Oates style moustache and perm mullet while dressed in a purple mankini. I can though 🙂.

Mechelle’s spirited defence of northern soul convinced me that the vibe of this movement was exciting and inspiring, all night dancing sweatshops and a dress code all of its own, but the music itself wasn’t my bag. Anything approaching Motown turns me off and northern soul flirts dangerously with that.

So to summarise, 10/10 to Mechelle for being great company and an inspiring individual, 6/10 for the music but a commendation for not bringing any jazz. Here’s the link for you to listen to a playback Mearns FM , choose ’Stoney Baloney’. 

Mechelle’s selections

1. David Bowie-Sorrow
2. The Flamingos-I Only Have Eyes For You
3. Luther Ingram-If It’s All The Same To You
4. B52’s-Rock Lobster
5. R Dean Taylor-Ghost In My House
6. Prince-Raspberry Beret

My Ear Candy #29 Steven J Innes

Never mind snowmageddon, Mearns FM had its very own beast from the east in the studio on Friday, Steven J Innes. He had promised to bring wit and wisdom however brought neither, outstaying his welcome by an hour into the bargain, but he did deliver some quality Rangers baiting to justify his invitation. More of that later.

It's fair to say my guests don't always bring the finest of tunes so I limited Mr Innes to two tracks only, merciful behaviour in the interests of my listeners, all three of them. His first one was acceptable, Bruce Hornsby & The Range's 'The Way It Is', but his second stunk the place out, some middle of the road American muck, lyrics straight from a sixth former's jotter. He's a nice chap Steven, but if his cooking is anything like his music and he invites you round for dinner, I'd get a takeaway if I were you.

We broadcast from a studio at the rear of Stonehaven Town Hall and, somewhat aptly, there was an 80s night underway in the main room. The 80s is our era, (Steven - Kajagoogoo, Black Lace, myself - The Smiths, The Specials) and back then we'd swing our pants at the Commodore disco on a Friday night. I remember well Steven's failed attempts at chatting up girls while I was busy fending them off, I used to feel sorry for him so, to save his blushes, I'd pay him a couple of quid to dish out my autographed photos. Similarly, my agreement to have him as a radio guest was a compensatory gesture of generosity after I'd humbled him at Hazlehead golf course a short while back. I'm a big advocate of care in the community.

But let's return to the Rangers baiting, a comprehensive sullying of Glasgow's blue corner by SJI. I'd explained to him my confusion over the Aberdeen / Rangers feud, where it might have originated, and he described bewilderment himself given the Rangers that the feud encompassed no longer existed. Apparently, according to Steven, that club ceased to exist some years ago and a new entity formed from the ashes. He was very complimentary of this new venture, explaining how they'd progressed through the divisions and were now in the same league as his club Aberdeen, quite an achievement. At this juncture one of his friends contacted him to protest in the strongest terms, this individual had once supported the now defunct football club and felt they were being unjustly insulted. Steven dealt with his complaint satisfactorily and we've offered the complainant the right to reply on a forthcoming show. I'll be inviting Steven too, the ambulance has been booked.

What else did we talk about? Well, Steven's business interests, Aston Villa, Teenage Fanclub, this and that. The music was class, his two selections apart, and if you want the proof just listen here choosing 'Stoney Baloney' and it's available till March 9th. Have a good week everybody.