My Ear Candy #32 Tom Keane

I was well excited when Tom Keane agreed to be my guest on Friday. Tom's the owner of a coaching company and I wanted to persuade him to coach my ailing football team since we're stuffing up our promotion prospects. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered he wasn't a football coach but trained folk in the oil & gas industry instead. What good is that to me? There's no point teaching Alan Hutton how to drill a well even if he would be better served with such a change in career. Nevertheless, we ploughed on.

I've known Tom for a couple of years now, we met one Sunday morning at City Church in Laurencekirk. His faith in God has been an inspiration to me and reminds me how reliant I am upon that same God who saved me from alcohol and sustains me still. He lives in St Cyrus (Tom not God) and his four children have produced twelve grandchildren, an expensive Christmas for him and his wife and no mistake. They moved up from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire three decades ago when he accepted a posting to coach firefighters offshore, he's remained here ever since.

I asked Tom to select six tracks, a request he wrestled with long and hard yet still, despite all that,  he plumped for a U2 track. I ask you. My golden rule of not allowing Status Quo was flouted recently and now I find U2 being foisted upon my listenership, it simply won't do. The other tracks were okay, Bowie and 10cc in particular, and I quite liked The Killers number. I'm thinking six out of ten for tonight's choices but it was a pleasure to end with a triumphant worship song so I'll give an extra mark for that. Thanks Tom, you were a terrific guest and if you want the proof here's a link, just choose Stoney Baloney.

Tom's selections
1. The Killers - Read My Mind
2. David Bowie - Starman
3. 10cc - I'm Not In Love
4. Mumford & Sons - Timshel
5. U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
6. Hillsong - So Will I

My Ear Candy #31 Kate McKay

It nearly kicked off on Friday night during my radio show. About halfway through, I bought myself time for a leak by playing a long track, only to receive pelters from some blokes outside in the corridor. There was a gig in the adjoining town hall and hangers-on of the band were giving it the large one as I tried to get past, they'd had a shandy and were now Billy Bigtime. I got the hump and told them so which lead to a confrontation. No blows were exchanged, not cos I'm hard but because the main protagonist was twice my size. I thought better of offering him out.

Back in the studio my special guest, Kate McKay, was being bored rigid by my co-presenter Steven J Innes. I wouldn't usually award him such lofty status but I need to stay on his right side if I want tickets off him for the cup final should Aberdeen turn Motherwell over in the semi. Kate politely humoured him but looked well relieved as I returned from my roadie altercation, there's only so many lame jokes you can tolerate in the course of three minutes. 

Kate owns a creative design bizzerniss called 4Ttude (here's a link) which she successfully got off the ground last year, it's based in Aberdeenshire but deals with people far and wide. I'm in awe of people with the courage to set up a business, it takes sphericals to leave paid employment and go it alone. 4Ttude is thriving and it couldn't happen to a nicer person. Listeners and I learned of Kate's roots in Fife, Freuchie to be precise, although her first four years were spent in Canada. I'm familiar with parts of Fife, thanks to my own family connections, so was surprised to hear from Kate that it had a 'nice' part. No offence like. Apparently Freuchie's a pleasant spot but I need some persuading, just because it's got a cricket club doesn't mean it's got class. Birmingham has a cricket club for example.

We talked of Kate's three lads, (aged 2, 8 & 15), followers of Aberdeen FC on the plus side but with regrettable Man United leanings in the debit column. If their musical tastes are as impressive as their mother's I can assure their prospective girlfriends that if Kate's sons' patter is found wanting, at least their music will compensate, just shove on one of their CDs. Any guest who selects Depeche Mode is fine by me, similarly monkey man Ian Brown can do little wrong and PJ Harvey is quality too, fine choices. The Fun Lovin' Criminals track I played with trepidation, had I mistakenly chosen the blasphemy strewn version my broadcasting career would have been toast but thankfully we got the clean version, so my meteoric rise to fame can continue apace. My agent is making noises about an appearance on the Jonathan Ross Show but that's perhaps a little soon. Besides, I can't stand the bloke (Ross, not my agent).  

Kate's selections rather put Steven's into the shade. I foolishly allowed him a pick too and he plumped for some lame American who had no more right to record music than I do. To top Kate's list off though we had a Bob Dylan cover which sounded superb until the news headlines crashed in on the hour, my time management going all to cock. The number of times I crash music into adverts and news headlines rivals the number of trophies Aston Villa's cabinet contains, hundreds. Still, we'd enjoyed a very pleasant hour together and will do so again later in the year, Kate's the sort of easy company that every weekend should begin with, fun, energetic and classy musical tastes. You can come back too Innes if you get me those tickets, you can forget it if you don't.

Kate's selections

1. Bassheads - Is There Anybody Out There
2. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R.
3. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks
4. P.J. Harvey - The Words That Maketh Murder
5. Depeche Mode - Where's The Revolution
6. Laura Marling - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

My Ear Candy #30 Mechelle Clark

My guest this week was Mechelle Clark, owner of Melt in Aberdeen, a food establishment providing toasties the size of telephone directories, you gotta try one, here’s where you’ll find them.

Discourse was convivial despite my controversial opening gambit claiming Mechelle had spent her life spelling her name incorrectly, her response amounting to the first of several admonishments, all of them warranted. I found myself behaving in an unusually eccentric  fashion tonight, like an  impish, yappy dog you just want to boot out the back door,  giddy and unnecessary. Mechelle handled me patiently but was surely wondering why on earth she’d agreed to buy this damned mutt. In my defence, I had my reasons for such tomfoolery...

Friday was my sobriety anniversary, the one day I pat myself on the back for achieving another year of freedom from alcohol, though all thanks in truth be to God, not me. I was feeling ironically drunk on adrenaline, so performed like rather an arse on air, rubbishing a couple of Mechelle’s tracks and the entire jazz genre (though I make no apology for the latter). I kept my composure for long enough to explain anyone could get sober if I could, there’s help for you here if you feel powerless over alcohol and here if you’re a family member at your wits end.

Mechelle was great company despite my shenanigans. Her attitude to life is one we should all take note of, if not an ‘anything goes’ approach then something pretty close. Her music choices illustrated this I reckon, an eclectic combination of northern soul and avant- grade melody though a regrettable dearth of jangly guitar, I compensated for this when taking the helm for the second hour of the show. It was fascinating learning of Mechelle’s admiration of Bowie and Prince, though I challenged her assertion that Prince was a handsome individual on any eye candy level, not even he could carry off a Hall & Oates style moustache and perm mullet while dressed in a purple mankini. I can though 🙂.

Mechelle’s spirited defence of northern soul convinced me that the vibe of this movement was exciting and inspiring, all night dancing sweatshops and a dress code all of its own, but the music itself wasn’t my bag. Anything approaching Motown turns me off and northern soul flirts dangerously with that.

So to summarise, 10/10 to Mechelle for being great company and an inspiring individual, 6/10 for the music but a commendation for not bringing any jazz. Here’s the link for you to listen to a playback Mearns FM , choose ’Stoney Baloney’. 

Mechelle’s selections

1. David Bowie-Sorrow
2. The Flamingos-I Only Have Eyes For You
3. Luther Ingram-If It’s All The Same To You
4. B52’s-Rock Lobster
5. R Dean Taylor-Ghost In My House
6. Prince-Raspberry Beret

My Ear Candy #29 Steven J Innes

Never mind snowmageddon, Mearns FM had its very own beast from the east in the studio on Friday, Steven J Innes. He had promised to bring wit and wisdom however brought neither, outstaying his welcome by an hour into the bargain, but he did deliver some quality Rangers baiting to justify his invitation. More of that later.

It's fair to say my guests don't always bring the finest of tunes so I limited Mr Innes to two tracks only, merciful behaviour in the interests of my listeners, all three of them. His first one was acceptable, Bruce Hornsby & The Range's 'The Way It Is', but his second stunk the place out, some middle of the road American muck, lyrics straight from a sixth former's jotter. He's a nice chap Steven, but if his cooking is anything like his music and he invites you round for dinner, I'd get a takeaway if I were you.

We broadcast from a studio at the rear of Stonehaven Town Hall and, somewhat aptly, there was an 80s night underway in the main room. The 80s is our era, (Steven - Kajagoogoo, Black Lace, myself - The Smiths, The Specials) and back then we'd swing our pants at the Commodore disco on a Friday night. I remember well Steven's failed attempts at chatting up girls while I was busy fending them off, I used to feel sorry for him so, to save his blushes, I'd pay him a couple of quid to dish out my autographed photos. Similarly, my agreement to have him as a radio guest was a compensatory gesture of generosity after I'd humbled him at Hazlehead golf course a short while back. I'm a big advocate of care in the community.

But let's return to the Rangers baiting, a comprehensive sullying of Glasgow's blue corner by SJI. I'd explained to him my confusion over the Aberdeen / Rangers feud, where it might have originated, and he described bewilderment himself given the Rangers that the feud encompassed no longer existed. Apparently, according to Steven, that club ceased to exist some years ago and a new entity formed from the ashes. He was very complimentary of this new venture, explaining how they'd progressed through the divisions and were now in the same league as his club Aberdeen, quite an achievement. At this juncture one of his friends contacted him to protest in the strongest terms, this individual had once supported the now defunct football club and felt they were being unjustly insulted. Steven dealt with his complaint satisfactorily and we've offered the complainant the right to reply on a forthcoming show. I'll be inviting Steven too, the ambulance has been booked.

What else did we talk about? Well, Steven's business interests, Aston Villa, Teenage Fanclub, this and that. The music was class, his two selections apart, and if you want the proof just listen here choosing 'Stoney Baloney' and it's available till March 9th. Have a good week everybody.

My Ear Candy #28 Luke Ellix

I wish the surname of tonight's guest was mine, I'd be called Alex Ellix. Instead, my guest Luke is beneficiary of said moniker and, as we were to discover, many other assets too. A blokes' pride is easily dented, it doesn't take much for us to feel inadequate, so you can imagine how a guest about to climb Everest made me feel. (*mental note, make sure next guest is a couch potato).

In just a couple of weeks, Luke is climbing to Mount Everest's base camp to raise funds for Children In Need. That's a 19 day trek reaching altitudes of 17,000 feet, makes your eyes water thinking about it. Temperatures will drop to -20, possibly the only element of the project which he'll be comfortable with given he lives in Aberdeenshire, that's a summer's day.  Luke and his friend Gerard have raised over four grand so far, if you think you can top that up do visit this link which tells you all about the expedition and how to donate.

On to the music and I found myself faced with six tracks I'd never heard of but it makes a pleasant change to try new stuff. In the event none bowled me over and none offended me, each selection I enjoyed yet wouldn't buy, that sure reads as damnation by faint praise but isn't the intention. P'raps I'll stop digging and start a new paragraph instead.

There was quite an eclectic mixture of guitar slaloms, earthy singing and mellow ambience (despite tracks from Disturbed and Linkin Park) and very pleasant they were too. I think it was the John Butler Trio track which boasted a twelve string guitar and one of the others seemed to incorporate every musical instrument known to man, I can't remember which. The final track was a dance floor filler, were you that way inclined, I'm not cos I've three left feet never mind two. It was performed by a Danish singer which completed an impressive tour of the world taking in Iceland, Australia, America and, of course, Scotland. We enjoyed a good night of music and an inspirational talk about climbing, despite my lack of knowledge on the subject since the highest I've ever journeyed is the back of Villa Park's Holte End, although that can be classed as dangerous territory in itself.

We send Luke all of our prayers for a safe and enjoyable Mount Everest experience and look forward to hearing about it when he returns as my guest again.

Luke's selections
1 - Skerryvore - Blown Away
2 - Kaleo - Way Down We Go
3 - John Butler Trio - Take
4 - Disturbed - The Sound of Silence
5 - Linkin Park - Iridescent
6 - MØ - Final Song

My Ear Candy #27 Amy Eley

Only the chosen few are invited back as guests on the Stoney Baloney Show, either because they’re great company or because they’ve serious making up to do for shambolic selections first time around. Tonight’s guest, Amy Eley, qualified on both counts, how’s that for a back handed compliment? Apologies Amy.

This was my last show for a fortnight, I’m off to visit my brother in Florida, so wanted to sign off in style. Thanks to Amy we carried off a splendid show, her selections largely sound and including a Leonard Cohen track, the most poignant song I’ve heard in a long time. Cohen knew he was dying and wrote this song to embrace faith, death and humour, quite a combo, delivering it in his trademark jagged voiced style. Another belter came from the Mystery Jets and combined with Cohen, they outweighed the horrible spectacle of a Status Quo number, a band hitherto barred from my show. What a din, never again.

Amy’s calm, gentle nature was the perfect antidote to my endless, aimless waffle , a well poised and beautiful swan floating alongside the ugliest of panicked ducklings. I was nervous about the forthcoming Aston Villa v Birmingham City fixture and couldn’t seem to settle, any time we play that mob I get the willies, defeat too horrendous a concept to contemplate. Amy patiently tolerated my Villaspeak and we gassed our way through two very pleasant hours together (I’m referring to chat not wind breaking). Listen to the playback here, just choose ‘Stoney Baloney’.

Some folk are the easiest of company, spending time with them akin to wearing a pair of well loved slippers. Thank you Amy for being my comfy tartan baffies.

Amy’s Selections
1. The Man - The Killers
2. Bubblegum - Mystery Jets
3. Pictures Of Matchstick Men - Status Quo (😔)
4. PS. You Rock My World - Eels
5. You Want It Darker - Leonard Cohen
6. Come And Get Your Love - Redbone

My Ear Candy #26 Gayle Culross

Community radio is a blast. You play your own music, goof around with your friends, drink coffee till it comes out your ears and in my case sermonise on all things Aston Villa. Mearns FM broadcasts from a studio in Stonehaven’s Town Hall, a pleasant if dank dungeon at the rear of the building, and there are times when our broadcasts are serenaded by the din emanating from the main hall, tonight was one of those nights. The annual Farmer’s Ball was in full swing, we had to wade through cattle, sheep and goats to get into the studio, wellied up dungaree wearing bumpkins too. Still, they seemed to be enjoying themselves and I’m sure the food was exceptional, if you can’t get a good side of beef at the farmer’s dinner then we all need to pack up and go home.

Back in the studio, struggling to drown out the marauding farming fraternity, sat myself and special guest Gayle Culross. I get some guests on who, like me, have a face for radio but I’ve been blessed lately with women of startling beauty and Gayle falls comfortably into this category. It’s perhaps inappropriate for me to make mention of this but listeners need to know why I was babbling even more randomly  than normal, I felt a little overawed. All attempts at seduction were straight batted however and upon learning of Gayle’s blissfully happy eighteen year marriage to Greg, I conceded defeat. Men, we really are pathetic.

Onto the music and Gayle’s six selections were a mixed bag of country, electronica and pap. The tales behind each selection were entertaining; misjudged fancy dress outfits at Dolly Parton concerts, illegal recordings of radio chart shows, unfulfilled devotion to Wham’s lead singer, a Mike Flowers impersonating elder brother, a sporting giant of a husband (his perception only) and treasured memories of a beloved mother. The chat off air was even more entertaining but you ain’t gettin any of that because there’d be a contract put out on me. What I can divulge is that her friends sound as mad as a box of frogs and if you plan an evening out in Dundee anytime soon perhaps best choose Aberdeen instead. 

Big thanks to Blaze Manufacturing for releasing your Head Of Communications into the wild, she proved more than a measure for this hapless, community radio wannabe and, if she promises not to request Dolly Parton again, is welcome back anytime. 

Gayle’s Selections 

1. Dolly Parton - Jolene

2. Soft Cell - Tainted Love

3. George Michael - Freedom 

4. Oasis - Wonderwall

5. The Killers - Mr Brightside

6. David Guetta - Titanium