The following missive has come in from Stonehaven GC member Allan Davidson. I have to say it makes for a pleasant read given the shameful actions of Douglas towards me last winter. Relying heavily on his playing partner once again I see...

Dear Stoney Baloney, I have taken great interest in your blogs and enjoyed reading your book about returning to Stonehaven to play in the winter league doubles with someone called Kirk or Kevin Douglas who is, by all accounts, like yourself, a decent player. Anyway, after being occupied for most of this winter season with football, I noticed I had a free Sunday so checked the online thing and saw K.Douglas (Kirk I assumed, albeit he is now 100) and B.Ferguson were playing with a guest at 11am. I did not know the guest and it was with trepidation that I put my name down. After a few phone calls it became evident that the K was not Kirk, and was indeed a chap called Keith of whom I had the pleasure of reading about in 'Stoney Baloney' The B was also confirmed as a chap called Bruce, the guest I still did not know. 

I duly popped up and ordered my 'breakfast' (Kronenbourg) and waited for the three players to come and sign in for the competition so I could introduce myself. Well, only two came in and I recognised them both since they had photographs of themselves hanging in the hall of fame, they were both former club champions! What had I done putting my name with these semi pro golfers? I didn't want to be too familiar with them, however, I did notice that both were slightly more folically challenged than represented on the roll of honour, I just assumed they had kept on growing through their hair. That aside, I asked the whereabouts of the 'guest' after introducing myself nervously in the company of these two great legends of Stonehaven Golf Club, but received no reply, it wasn't mentioned again.

After the pleasantries and changing of scorecards the short baldie one duly sent it OB at the 1st while the lanky baldie one drove the green. The next hole saw the lanky one, who'd birdied the 1st, miss a five footer for par after the wee one found sand, level par then after 2. The next two holes they exchanged pars and then we had the gully where the short one tapped in for a two and on the next hole lanky also tapped in for a two and back across the gully on the old 15th, the short one duly holed a putt for another two. The last time I saw that was with the good wife in Menorca in a fantoosh harbour side restaurant called 'Dos,Dos,Dos'. So with a heid like Peterhead I had two options, either 1) walk off with my NR at the old 10th and ensure that the integrity was put into question of Lanky and shortie, or 2) plod on. Thankfully I plumped for the latter. 

Despite feeling cold and tired I began to enjoy myself watching these two legends try to put in a good score. The next two holes saw them both miss birdie putts and tap in pars ensued, an easy birdie at the old 11th and then a poor par at the 12th, down the old 5th and the short one sticks it to ten feet, lanky however took the gas and knocked through the back and chipped on, somehow not putting to allow the short one a free putt, another par ensued. Over to the old 6th with both short and lanky missing the green and lanky, after his gas earlier, left his flat stick somewhere in the vicinity of the old 5th prompting a run back up the hill. He might as well have left it there as the short one saved par. Next up was the old 7th, lanky taking control as shortie again went OB. A tap in birdie followed by another at the old 8th suggested the guest was perhaps going to see something special. Lanky has an eagle putt at 16 and tells the short one not to bother with his birdie attempt but subsequently knocks it four feet past, both of them missing their next putts so the guest has to record a 5 while meekly suggesting to the lanky one ' why did you not allow your partner the opportunity of a 'free putt?'
As it is a Sunday, I can only say that I was told in no uncertain terms that he had been a member for thirty five years and does not need advice on what to do. With this the guest confessed to only being a member for thirty four years and offered an apology.

The 17th and the short one hits a good drive just off the green, lanky pulls it left, albeit a good strike. Short one, fed up with lanky contemplating what to do, duly chips in for an eagle. Usain Bolt, although the same height, could not have out sprinted lanky up the hill. The 18th then and a 56 is on if they can manage a birdie. Lanky and shortie both hit the green and lanky again puts the faith in the short one by not holing his par putt but the short one's par is enough for the guest to sign for a Heinz variety. Off then to the 19th for a repeat of my breakfast.