Sounds boastful doesn't it, maybe a touch arrogant claiming to be a blessing to your children? Well yes it would if you claimed such haughty status but not if you're simply acknowledging it as an aspiration. Ask any father what his priorities in life are and top of the list would be safety and security for his children, but what is he, what am I, doing about it? How am I contributing positively to the welfare of the children that rank number one in my priorities? This is the question two weeks of naval gazing has coughed up and I'm delighted that it did because just as a malady can only be corrected when diagnosed, so relationships can only be strengthened once you've spotted a deficiency. Hands up, I've not been a great Dad, I've been an adequate one but who wants adequacy when you can have splendor? It's time to step up and I'm excited about the journey ahead, the next step is working out where to start.
For guidance on fatherhood I can think of no better book than the bible to seek discernment, God after all is the father, the son and the Holy Spirit so if he can't assist then heaven help me. I don't know if you've heard of this 'bible' of which I speak but to give you a bit of background, it's the world's biggest selling book with 5 billion having been printed, don't take my word for it see this Guinness Book Of Records link 5 billion bibles . To my mind, if the bible is God breathed and God is our father, it seems a sensible place to start when establishing what it takes to be a good Dad. I haven't read it all, you try ploughing through the Old Testament without snoring, but with the cheeky use of a study bible I can offer myself a couple of insights and you too if being a better Dad is something you find attractive.
1. Time
Presents are nice, so are other random acts of generosity and all round niceness but what kids want most of all is your time and attention. They want to be in your company, receiving your undivided, not always possible but I can certainly make it happen a lot more than I have previously. In my language that means I need to spend time with my laptop closed, my phone on silent and quit the mindless channel hopping on the telly. My children deserve eye to eye, shoulder to shoulder, father to child one on one attention, your child wants your time.
2. Patience
Hmm, not good at patience in the modern world are we? Stresses of work, troublesome relationships, all manner of competing demands for our time, it leads to short fuses and short tempers. So when you get home and the kids are clamoring for your attention and you're not up for it, why not take a breath and decide to BE up for it! Have patience. Pull up on the driveway, turn off the engine and before you climb out of the car have a word with yourself. After hours apart you're returning to the arms of the children you chose to bring into your life, they'll pull at your trouser legs, gabble questions ten to the dozen and it'll be a whirlwind of an entrance but be patient, they're thrilled to see their Dad, you're special to them, count to ten, enjoy and embrace them.
3. Respect
Here's one I'm constantly having to work on, respect. When you're the all knowing, all powerful father figure, what you say goes, kids have to suck it up, but that doesn't mean you can throw your weight around as if the family home is your fiefdom in which you steamroller all-comers. My children have opinions, desires, wants and needs, they deserve to be listened to, fatherhood isn't just a case of delivering demands and decrees, catch yourself on, a good role model isn't an authoritarian, yes there there are times when order needs restoring but don't let that be your trump card in all situations. The time and patience you show your kids can be wrapped up in the respect that you show them.
I don't have all the answers, all I've got are the questions, the stuff I share above is purely the result of investigations made by an ordinary Joe seeking to be a better Dad and not the ramblings of a big heided, ken it 'a. I'm just like you, I wanna be a good Dad, it's there for us if we want it!
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