Villa blow Christmas (again)

It's perhaps overdoing it to say Villa have ruined my Christmas before it's even begun but Villa have ruined my Christmas before it's even begun. There I was, Christmas Eve-eve, having wrapped all my presents, sent all my cards, feet up in front of the telly watching Villa beating Leeds two nil at half time. I'd started to think 2018 was gonna be my yuletide year, but, by 4pm, any notion of a merry Christmas had gone with Villa shipping three second half goals and going down to a defeat which pretty well ends any hope of automatic promotion. Thanks Villa.I can always rely on you.

The nature of Leeds' last minute winner did nothing to ease the pain, quite the reverse. Five minutes of injury time had been played when a routine floater into the box met the head of our hapless defender El Mohamaddy, who decided he'd gift wrap a Christmas present of his own by nodding it into the path of a grateful Leeds striker to bang it in the net. Pathetic. We'd already handed them the first goal, an after you Claude rolling out of the red carpet to a winger who should have been tackled before he put the ball in the net for their first, and the second an unchallenged header directly from a corner. I wonder what our defenders do in training? Count their money? Compare tattoos? Who knows, but they don't practice defending.

We go into Christmas in twelfth position in the league, our only hope of promotion being an implosion by the teams above us and the need for our forthcoming opponents to be as benevolent towards our strikers as we are to theirs. Ah well, I'll put football to bed until Boxing Day and concentrate on turkey until then (ie. the meat on my plate not the clowns in our back four).

Drivetime capering

This community radio caper is a blast, i is lovin’ it (dunno about my listeners mind). It’s a chance to kick off my shoes, play my favourite tunes and chew the fat with guests of varied repute. And the people at Mearns FM are solid, they are all about serving their community, good local stock devoted to the station. We have disagreements as to what represents good music, I for instance would sooner brush my teeth with cement mixture than listen to Tina Turner whereas there are the misguided few who think that the Stone Roses are a garden ornament available at Kirkton, but regardless, we aim to please.

This week finds me filling in on the Friday Drivetime show, on sabbatical from my Sunday teatime graveyard shift. I believe the great Aberdeenshire public may be in for something of an awakening this Yuletide season, there aren’t many drivetime shows that combine old school hip hop with ear splitting grunge. Perhaps I’ll go easy in between traffic and weather announcements with an occasional low tempo number, I don’t wish to alienate the entire listenership.

In other news, I’m looking for a family of music lovers to join me as guests on Christmas Day, 5-6pm, to share their favourite tracks. There are really only two qualifying stipulations; 1) sobriety, I can’t have guests turning up fresh from emptying the Christmas sherry bottle and 2) musical savvy, please no middle of the road guff, let’s play something worth listening to. If you fancy it, please drop me a line at alexrusson555@gmail.com and we’ll get it lined up.

Over and out from the Baltics.

Villa glee

I was speaking with my brother the day after our 3-0 victory over Middlesborough and we were reminiscing about the glory week back in September 1992 when being a Villa supporter was a continuous high for seven days straight. During that week we’d played Liverpool, Oxford & Boro, beating each of them and doing so with a level of great entertainment that had us eating from the palm of their hands. Saunders made his debut v Liverpool scoring twice in a 4-2 win (and I believe it may have been the Rosenthal miss game too?), at Oxford I took a wayward McGrath shot full in the face before we ribbed their poor bald keeper all night long until he scored a comical own goal and finally, we won a thriller 3-2 at Ayresome Park a few days later. Three games, loadsa goals, three victories, joy unconfined, these were happy days indeed but a quarter of a century ago now, however, a recent seven day period in 2018 has gone some distance toward rivalling it, albeit without my brother and I being in attendance this time. That’s the tragedy of living in Aberdeenshire, one of many to be frank, you have to live your Villa experience through the prism of Sky Sports, but with them broadcasting Villa three times in a week I was happy to take advantage.

The revelry began with a triumphant 4-2 victory over Birmingham City which I’m increasingly confident will represent our last home fixture against them for many years. Having overextended our hospitality to the great unwashed in allowing them to go one nil up, we thereafter dismantled them with aplomb and who will forget Hutton’s slalom run to round off the victory, a hundred yard meander from one end of the pitch to the other, beating four bemused bluenoses before nestling the ball into the Holte End net. I was watching the game on my ipad in my employer’s office, long story which I won’t bore you with, and my celebratory circuit of the office floor when Hutton scored set off an alarm since I wasn’t meant to be there on a Sunday. (The security guard let me off, he’s a Celtic supporter and therefore fully appraised of the importance of a local derby). The victory over Blues felt like a seminal moment, as if Dean Smith’s influence since taking the helm had truly begun to take shape, all memories of Bruce gone as we showed our inglorious neighbours a clean pair of heels, packing them off from whence they came for one final time since we’ll get promoted and they won’t, it’ll be many years before we have to suffer their like again.

The Blues win safely tucked away, roll on three days and we had the most ludicrous game of football seen at Villa Park since the Blackburn 6-4 or Ipswich 7-1, a preposterous 5-5 draw in which our centre forward was disappointed only to have notched the one hat-trick. I watched the game at an Aberdeen season ticket holder’s house, a guy who doubles as a Forest fan having taken a shine to them back in the late 70s when they were any good. Regrettably, I found myself perched on his sofa beneath a signed photograph of Beelzebub, said individual being his all-time favourite player, and it was all I could do not to tear the photo off the wall and stamp on it, but I held my composure, transfixed instead by a kamikaze game of football. When we went two down after six minutes I was ready to get my coat, 3-3 at halftime and I was reaching for the tablets and at 5-4 against ten men I secretly gave the oaf in the photograph a triumphant wink, until acknowledging the folly of my ways five minutes later. The final whistle saw stunned players and supporters rooted to the spot in which they stood, bewildered at the previous ninety minutes’ travails, and my immediate reaction was to offer Nyland and co pelters for losing us two points, but it wasn’t long before I looked back on the most entertaining game since, well, the Sunday three days prior.

Another three days later and it was the Boro match, a game I’d written off as a grim bore-athon given our opponents were managed by Pulis, the only man capable of making Megson look like an attack minded manager. But did we not go and put on a masterclass of the type I’ve not seen by a Villa team since the days of Sid, Shaw, Morley and McNaught, we were absolutely awesome. Grealish purred like a cat, Bolassie toyed with his marker until he literally went off in a daze, even Whelan scored. We hammered them, absolutely hammered them, it was men against babies never mind boys and all that was missing was a reducer style tackle on Downing as punishment for all those fifty fifties he used to pull out of when playing for us. I switched the telly off exhausted and exhilarated, twelve goals in seven days, our forward line unstoppable, midfield expansive and defence, well, perhaps that’s where the hyperbole ends but so what, when Villa are as entertaining as this the deficiencies of your back five seem immaterial.

This is what the appointment of Dean Smith has done for our club, it hasn’t just been a shot in the arm but the leg, head, chest, arse, you name it. This guy has us playing football, that’s right, football, a sport that our previous manager couldn’t spell never mind coach and we’re now in the shake up for a splendid second half to the season. Who knows how it’ll end from here, I happen to think we’ll go up, but whatever the outcome it feels we have a club to be proud of once again, a manager who ‘gets it’, a togetherness we’ve been lacking for years and it’s fun being a Villa supporter again. Not so very long ago I’d be hard pushed to switch a Villa game on so rancidly did we stink the place out whenever Sky were mug enough to broadcast us, viewing figures must have rivalled that of the old fashioned BBC2 test card, but today you couldn’t blame them for demanding pay-per-view status for our fixtures.

September 1992 saw the likes of McGrath, Saunders, Atkinson and Froggy providing entertainment which had us in rapture, sadly this wasn’t capped off with any tangible success. 2018 finds Jack, Cafu and Tammy tearing into the opposition and playing a style of football that warms the heart, here’s hoping we’ll have something to show for it come May time. We’ve had false dawns and we’ve had more disappointments than football supporters can rightfully expect in the space of two decades, but this time I reckon we’re on the brink of better times, get a decent keeper and a centre back worth his salt and the playoffs would represent a disappointment never mind an achievement.

Beating the Blues

Twice a season, while we’re out of the Premiership, Villa have to tolerate 90 minutes against our inglorious neighbours Birmingham City. It’s a tortuous affair, both sets of supporters gnashing their teeth at one another and wishing them nothing but ill, it’s called tribalism and it’s inescapable, I’ve tried it. How is it that an otherwise sane human being such as myself can get so worked up over a football match that he watches it between his fingers while uncontrollably breaking wind? All’s well that ends well though, we turned them over 4-2 and I could breathe again.

And in an infantile demonstration of delight, I dedicated the first hour of my Mearns FM radio show to a celebration of Villa’s routine triumph over Blues, taking the trouble to play a track from bands who’s name starts with each letter in the name ASTON VILLA. This might be considered small time and I’m happy to hold my hands up to such an accusation, but please understand how difficult it is to find yourself 400 miles from Villa Park while your team demolishes its bitterest rivals. And even if the idea was a lame one, at least the resultant music was of the highest order, here’s that glory box in full...

A - The Associates (Party Fears Two)
S - The Smiths (I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish)
T - Teenage Fanclub (Ain’t That Enough)
O - Oasis (Columbia)
N - Gary Numan (Cars)
V - The Verve (Love Is Noise)
I - Inspiral Carpets (Dragging Me Down)
L - The Lemonheads (It’s A Shame About Ray)
L - The La’s (Son Of A Gun)
A - Ash (Burn Baby Burn)

Join me every Sunday 6-8pm and listen online at http://www.mearnsfm.org.uk/for more idle banter and bostin music and you can find last weeks show on there too.

Strive

Well that was an inspirational evening spent with Willie Tulloch on Friday past, even if it was serenaded by 80’s pap. Mearns FM broadcasts from the rear of Stonehaven Town Hall and the main room next door had an 80’s night booming guff through the walls. Not to worry, we trumped their ABBA with our Smiths and cranked up a relentless indie fest to drown them out. 

Willie and his mates set up an organisation called Strive earlier this year, this brainchild emanating from an afternoon watching the Scotland v New Zealand rugby match at Murrayfield in November. Scottish rugby legend Doddy Weir had been announced to the crowd that day and given he suffers with motor neurone disease (MND),  there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. This experience persuaded Willie to devise a way to help Doddy’s charity raise funds for the benefit of fellow sufferers so Strive was born, see see here for details. Hats off to Willie, such ideas often lose momentum by the time you wake up the next morning but he’s seen it through and to say it’s grown arms and legs is an understatement.

In double quick time a number of fund raising initiatives have been lined up, beginning with a five day bike ride in August, up and down Scotland. My eyes water at the prospect of a Stonehaven to Inverness cycle ride  (132 miles if you please) but many have signed up and will rendezvous in Inverness with riders also arriving from Orkney, they’ll then pedal in unison to Perth, Glasgow, The Borders and Edinburgh. A mini rugby tournament is planned, as is a charity ball and you get the feeling there’s more to come as Strive barrel themselves towards their aspirational £75,000 target. In very short order an idea has been hatched and is soon to be despatched, inspirational stuff and if you’d like to hear more you can access our radio chat here until Friday June 22nd, just choose Alex Russon - Stoney Baloney*.

*Apologies in advance for the dead air dithering. I’m a bumpkin when it comes to technology, hitting the wrong buttons regularly to deliver full on car crash radio as I search for tracks that have disappeared into black holes. If it’s any consolation, when these tunes do finally surface, you’ve got the following to look forward to in between Willie and I’s chuntering; Teenage Fanclub, Charlatans, Ride, Depeche Mode, Eels, Tom Petty, The Beat...and, as those ‘Now’ album covers used to declare, many, many more.

My Ear Candy #40 Amy Eley

I sauntered through two very pleasant studio hours with my old friend Amy Eley this weekend,  the perfect tonic to an otherwise difficult week. She’s easy company, her happy disposition settles your mind, reminding you the stuff of life you’ve allowed to cram your head isn’t that urgent a matter really. I’m indebted to you Amy for rounding off a rotten week with a relaxing evening.

Tonight the lessons of Amy’s past appearances were finally learned, guff like Status Quo cast asunder in favour of indie music worth its salt. Amy has become more accustomed to my tastes while not capitulating entirely to my oeuvre, so we enjoyed a list of perfectly listenable efforts, even the Travis one proving surprisingly adequate. The cookies went down well too,  not your routine ‘four for a quid’ packet from Tesco’s, but proper posh affairs from Marks & Spencer.  I really ought to have rolled out a red carpet.

We chatted about family holidays, outdoor concerts (gigs in modern parlance), impending weddings (hers’ not mine), rugby, man buns and swearing. We waffled, blethered and ruminated until Amy departed at 11pm to fetch her karaoke singing fiancé out of an Aberdeen city centre boozer, I haven’t heard from her since so they’re possibly still crooning.

Amy’s selections 

1. Country House - Blur

2. Sledgehammer - Peter Gabriel

3 Selfish Jean - Travis

4. George Cinammon

5. I Need You Tonight - INXS

My Ear Candy #39 Fiona van Aswegen

I would like to say I’m rarely left feeling inadequate but, on reflection, this isn’t strictly true. I regularly come across individuals who’s stories are so inspiring that I wonder what the hell I’ve been doing with my grubby life all these years, and Fiona, my radio guest last week, was of that ilk. She shared enough snippets from her life to have me questioning my own four decade lurch from fiasco to farrago, unintentionally having me contemplate my naval. It’s probably best I don’t dwell upon this psychiatrist’s chair any longer though or the straight jacket brigade will be knocking on my door forthwith.

Fiona travelled in from Perth, her husband, Peter, chauffeuring and vowing not to speak on air himself, a vow he honoured despite my attempts to dissuade him. It is he who’s responsible for the South African surname by the way (that’s a matter of fact not criticism.) Fiona was born and bred in Perth, studied at St Andrews University then spent time travelling around Africa before returning to Scotland where she picked up a career in music. Perhaps you’re beginning to empathise with my sense of inadequacy now. These days she has a business called Kranôg which provides innovative, luxury, self catering accommodation, brilliant looking units of substantial quality, take a look for yourself here. We had a good chat about the likely locations for such inventive accommodation and agreed that rural settings seemed to lend themselves rather more than the inner city suburbs that I’m accustomed too. I’m not sure her gaffs would be well placed alongside Birmingham’s canals which boast discarded shopping trolleys and beer cans floating limply atop murky, orange waters.

Turning to Fiona’s musical choices, I did manage to discover room for improvement in an area of her life. And while we’re at it, she doesn’t like football either so that’s crying out for attention too. The first track Fiona shared was a winner, Freddie Mercury and some opera singer warbling a duet called ‘Barcelona’, a triumph indeed. It was the only track I recognised though and while followed by a listenable piano piece, the choices thereafter weakened with a shocker in particular from Mika (who I learn I’m the only person in the wider world never to have heard of). A pleasant ditty by a South African hero named Johnny Clegg rounded off proceedings, a man I’d never heard of either, to my shame, check this link out to find out what an inspirational guy he is.

Big thanks to Fiona and Peter for being such super company, hopefully we’ll see them back at Mearns FM in the near future by which time I’ll have brushed up on my South African heroes and perhaps done something worthwhile with my life. Nurse!

Fiona’s selections
1. Freddie Mercury & Montserrat Caballé, “Barcelona”
2. David Helfgott, “Flight of the Bumblebee”
3. Mika, “Big Girl (You are Beautiful)”
4. Freshly Ground, “Doo be Doo”
5. Salsa Celtica, “Yo me Voy”
6. Johny Clegg, “Impi”

My Ear Candy #38 Billy Mitchell

Billy Mitchell joined me in the studio this week where, for once, we were blessed with an absence of din from the neighbouring main hall, there’s usually a ceilidh or some such going on but not this week. He’d travelled up from Forfar, a place dear to my heart since it’s my mum’s hometown, and brought his fiancé Jo to keep order. Either Billy is every woman’s dream and Jo couldn’t afford to let him loose on an adoring female public, or, she just fancied a night out. 

The evening got off to a terrific start, the first of his six selections being The Pixies ‘Debaser’, a rollicking indie track, a ten out of ten knockout of a song. He followed this classic however with a collection of less triumphant numbers but I’m slowly learning not to mock the choices of others, even the ugliest of babies have their admirers, someone’s gotta love them. There’s a full list below, decide for yourselves.

Billy is a colleague of mine at Barclays Bank, the pair of us shuffling through our working lives with oodles of cash lying around us, none of which we’re permitted to get our dirty mitts on, regrettably. We’ve talked of effecting a midnight heist but bottled it so far and now that I’ve gone and put that plan on radar here, I doubt we’ll ever get the chance to fill our loot bags with swag before scarpering off into the sunset. All’s not lost though, he has a wedding to pay for in October and you know how much these things cost, he might well have to join me for the old Butch Cassidy routine after all.

I had no idea Billy was an American footballer, that’s to say he’s a Scotsman that plays American football. He informed our audience that a match takes as long as four hours, no wonder the game’s never caught on over here. Besides, we have our own version in the UK, it’s called ‘rugby’ and, unlike the American version, doesn’t involve the putting on of shoulder pads, lipstick and eye shadow. He didn’t accept this comparison and suggested it was indeed a tough sport, but I wasn’t persuaded. 

A good evening was had by all and Billy the. headed off with Jo in search of a pizzeria, an insult really to Stonehaven, the home of deep fried Mars Bars. Some people.

Billy’s selections

Debaser - The Pixies
Cult of Personality - Living Colour
Latch - Disclosure
Sail - Awolnation
Young, Dumb and Broke - Khalid
Still Into You - Paramore

My Ear Candy #37 Alison Ellis

I pen this week’s missive with trepidation since my guest on Friday was Alison Ellis, boasting copywriting skills amongst many of her talents. Botch this and I’ll have enough egg on my face to make an omelette. I’m already wondering if I shouldn’t have split that first sentence into two and as for the use of emojis, I assume these are an industry standard ‘no-no’ but I can't help myself 🙄😬😎.

Alison owns Aberdeen based public relations company Korero, assisting businesses with their internal and external connections. PR is as much about communicating with your own workforce as it is positioning yourself to the wider world and that’s where Korero come in. Have a gander here to get a fuller flavour or better still, choose Stoney Baloney from this Listen Again link and you’ll hear Alison describe her business firsthand. Just fast forward for the bit when she plays ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’.

So, onto the music and the merits, or otherwise, thereof. At the eleventh hour, Alison was forced to revise her selections since one of them was discovered to be so expletive ridden that we’d have been dragged off air within thirty seconds. Jurassic 5 are fine rappers but their mothers’ ought to wash their potty mouths out with soap. Iggy Pop replaced them with his ‘Lust For Life’, a fine choice in stark contrast to the lamentable ‘Rhythm Is A Dancer’ which had been played earlier, I’ll never forgive myself for the absentminded head bobbing during its airing, boo to studio webcams, I’m now bang to rights. It’s high time I set firmer ground rules regards guests’ choices, there’s just not enough jangly guitared indie, synth driven electro or Bob Dylan to my liking. Such oversights will drive my audience figures southwards and given I’m not into Chris Evans territory quite yet, it needs addressing pronto.

Speaking of audiences, it was a pleasure to have Alison’s four year old daughters, Bella, listening in, although 9.30pm is surely beyond bedtime even if it isn’t a school night. My kids are the same mind you, eking every last waking hour out until their eyelids can take no more. How different, however, when you reach forty something status and the reverse becomes true, I’d kill for an 8pm finish.

The show fair barrelled along as we addressed the merits of male dancing (to my mind there are none), the ‘English, Scottish or British’ argument (both of us claiming to be all three), backpacking, journalism, radio, this and indeed that. Alison is dead to the concept of football chat and for once this was a good thing, I’ve got the hump since Villa lost out on automatic promotion and have no desire to talk about pig bladders right now.

Thank you Alison for a splendid evening, do come back soon (minus the foul mouthed Jurassic 5) and apologies for the lame writing style herewith, consider it an equaliser against your calamitous Snap selection.

Alison’s selections
Malcolm Mclaren – Double Dutch
The Chemical Bothers - Hey Girl, Hey Boy
Snap - Rhythm Is A Dancer
Iggy Pop – Lust For Life
The Supernaturals – Smile
Otis Reading – Sitting On The Dock Of a The Bay.

My Ear Candy #36 Amy Smith

We had a belter of a show on Friday night for which I take no credit, all thanks going to my special guest Amy, and her fiancé, Andrew. You can listen to a re-run here, just choose the Stoney Baloney Show 

They’d snuck down the A90 from Aberdeen to share Amy’s favourite songs and a good time was had by all, despite the irritating distraction of a Neil Diamond & Johnny Cash tribute act performing in the adjacent room, we broadcast from within Stonehaven Town Hall you see. On any other night I might have bought a ticket but instead we found ourselves serenaded by Ring Of Fire and Forever In Blue Jeans while attempting to share meaningful conversation. I’ll be writing a strongly worded letter to the management and no mistake.

Amy has an architectural drawing business called PaQ Design, those few words alone filling me with a deep sense of inadequacy since I couldn’t even draw a stick man. She spends her days designing new interiors for private and business premises, have a gander right here for the full story. Thankfully, given I am to hoarding what Birmingham City are to class,  she’s more than capable of satisfying the demands of us minimalists so a redesign of my shoebox of a gaff is not beyond her, I’ll be in touch. We exchanged pleasantries and established that Amy and Andrew had lived, until relatively recently, in that monumental goldfish bowl people refer to as ‘London’, then tucked into her musical choices which, while providing rich pickings, sadly culminated in a lamentable stinker.

There are two golden rules in community radio; 1) no profanity, and 2) no politics. The second of these we honoured without issue but the first found Amy endeavouring to throw me under a bus, selecting no less than three songs which carried expletives. Thankfully I’m a broadcaster of considerable repute so had the foresight to play her selections to myself earlier in the day, I therefore prepared radio edit versions otherwise this would be the last show I ever broadcasted. Amy Winehouse provided the opening number and flippin’ Bruno Mars the last, a reprehensible selection with which to end, the only saving grace being that the 10 o’clock Sky News kicked in to sabotage it halfway through.

The jewel in the crown though was a terrific number recorded by The Prophets back in 1966. The drummer, Stuart Geddis, is Amy’s uncle and the band were lined up for great things but, like so many good bands, they didn’t break through to the big time. So what though? Thanks to the internet we still have access to nuggets such as this which we can replay to our hearts content and I recommend you give the track a whirl too, just click here, The Prophets.

Before I sign off with a full list of Amy’s six chosen tracks, it’d be remiss of me not to hurl pelters in the direction of her fiancé, Andrew. Despite being in all other regards a gentleman of integrity and kindness, unquestionably devoted to his wife-to-be, here stands an emperor with no clothes, a charlatan, a turncoat and a fraud. Be warned Amy, you’re marrying a glory hunter, an individual who rather than offering support to his local provincial football club, chooses instead to latch onto the repugnant Manchester United and until you address this elephant in the room, I believe your impending marriage ought to be put on ice. No offence, but you owe it to yourself and your family to demand a written explanation from this man before you exchange your wedding vows. In this explanation, he must describe how, despite hailing from Buckie on the Moray Firth, he’s prepared to nail his colours to the Manchester United mast. And while you’re at it, ask him which club denied his the domestic treble at Wembley in 1994 😁👌.

Amy’s Selections
Amy Winehouse – Tears Dry on Their Own
Kings of Leon – Fans
Gregory Porter - Holding On
The Phantoms – Since I Lost my Baby 
Childish Gambino – Redbone
Bruno Mars – Locked Out of Heaven

My Ear Candy #35 Kris Soutar

Kris Soutar and I are second cousins or cousins, depending on who I’m speaking to and what the context is. Let me explain. Our respective parents are full-on first cousins, but, since Kris is a world renowned tennis coach working closely alongside megastar Judy Murray, I have been known to refer to him simply as ‘cousin’. And such nepotism gets even more shameless. If I spot him on telly sitting with the Murray family at a Davis cup tie I claim him as my brother and when he’s found parading in Wimbledon’s royal box he becomes my wife. Gimme a break, if people allow their coat tails to drag on the floor it’s rude not to climb aboard.

Kris came onto my show on a Friday evening and told Mearns FM listeners about his life in tennis, an inspirational story for sure. When a teenager he decided tennis would be his vocation and he’s followed that path for thirty years, coaching, mentoring and teaching players of all levels, sharing the deep passion he has for the game. He’s made tennis his life, inspired thousands to improve and to get more out of their enjoyment of the game.  I on the other hand left my teenage years to drift into timber sales, alcoholism and skulduggery, how I wish I’d been in the same queue as Kris when seeing the careers advisors. I’m dead proud of Kris, find out plenty more about him on his website where you’ll also discover a cracking podcast.

Turning however to Kris’s musical tastes, we find someone quite prepared to sabotage the enviable  reputation he’s hitherto built up for himself. What self respecting individual nominates the guff you find listed below when invited to play their favourite tunes of a lifetime? In a barely listenable set, his crowning floater in the toilet water was Snap’s ‘The Power’ which stooped yet lower when he explained it reminded him of a Turkish nightclub dance floor he’d once shared with his Mum. There were a couple of semi-tolerable tracks and a triumphant finishing number to be fair to him but I’m an indie kid, I play quality music, I have no desire to be associated with mediocre commercial pap. It was torture having to spin some of this bowf. Cousin you say? Sorry, never heard of the guy.

Thankfully, Kris’s musical faux pas’ were interrupted by good conversation and it was a genuine inspiration to hear of his tennis journey. He spends his life encouraging people, instilling belief into them and facilitating an improvement in their lives. I shuffle paper for a living, Kris boosts people’s confidence and self belief. One of us can rightfully pat himself on the back while the other needs a good look in the mirror. Catch you later, I’m off to the bathroom.

Click on this link to hear a re-run of the show. Thanks for being a bostin guest Kris, my beloved  cousin/brother/wife (select as appropriate).

Kris’s selections
1. Nick Kershaw - I Won’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me
2. Hue & Cry - Labour Of Love
3. Snap - The Power
4. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Boom Shake The Room
5. Drops Of Jupiter - Train
6. Sylvester - Do You Wanna Funk

My Ear Candy #34 Andy Simpson

You never know what life’s gonna throw at you. Ask Herbie, a young lad who travelled from Coventry to Stonehaven on Friday, expecting an onward journey directly to his Uncle’s gaff in Drumlithie once he stepped off the train. Instead, he wound up in the Mearns FM studio,  broadcasting to the wider world while his uncle collected an Indian takeaway, an unscheduled radio appearance for Herbie that signalled his debut as a broadcaster. Welcome to the club young man. We played The Specials in honour of his hometown, he said hi to his Mum as she listened online, somewhat bemused no doubt, and he shuffled off to Drumlithie, scratching his head wondering how the hell that happened. Let that be a lesson young man, you just don’t know what’s around the corner, this is the stuff of life.

Herbie was the first of two guests on Friday, the second being Andy Simpson, owner of local company Angus 3D Design and all round good egg. Some folk are just easy company aren’t they? He played six of his favourite tracks, hitting the heights with five of them but letting himself down big style with an absolute howler by Texas, the lamest band to have come out of the UK since Black Lace, proof positive that if you’re in the right place at the right time it doesn’t much matter if you’re any good or not, you just surf the wave and hope nobody notices that the empereror’s wearing no clothes. Texas are so middle of the road they should have dashed white lines painted on them, playing it safe, sticking to a formula that appeals to the lowest common denominator and, in the words of 90s band Electronic, they’ve been ‘getting away with it all my life’. I put the kettle on while Andy shoe shuffled his way through this rotten track but I reckon, privately, even he felt a pang of revulsion as this assault upon our eardrums plodded interminably on.

But let’s focus on the positives. Madness kicked his selections off, their lesser known hit ‘My Girl’ chosen in tribute to Andy’s days as a Rude Boy back in the 80s, when his frame was adorned with full Rudy regalia; trilby, black loafers, Harrington jacket etc. He’s got a cheeky smile Andy,  he’d have been a hit with the ladies for sure, right up till the moment they spotted he was wearing white socks. We learned more about his business in 3D printing and his former career travelling the world in the oil & gas industry, alighting in Dubai for several happy years. The furthest I’ve travelled for work is Tipton, doesn’t benefit from comparison really does it? His two sons are living Dad inspired lives, one in the US, the other pondering Edinburgh or St Andrews, oh to be young again.

The  good music kept coming after the calamitous Texas interlude; the Stones, Manics, even INXS, not a band I’d usually laud but New Sensation grabs you for sure. We had a good natter but the wheels came off toward the end of the show,  all concentration being lost by the presenter. Let me explain. Cardiff City were playing Wolves while the show was on and I had a vested interest in the outcome, if Cardiff lost it heightened the chances of my team (Villa) getting promoted next month. I was keeping the listenership abreast of goings on in the principality, my fingernails totalled as Wolves went into injury time leading 1-0. Then all hell broke loose, Cardiff winning a penalty and missing it, then winning another and missing that too! Joy unconfined in the Mearns FM studio, Wolves winning, Cardiff losing and Villa may yet secure that automatic promotion slot. I punched the air, lost composure on the mic, and Andy Simpson looked on in non-plussed bemusement and with a level of pity. Welcome to community radio my friend, where anything goes, yes even blinkin’ Texas.

Thanks Andy for being a terrific guest. If any of you missed the show just click this link and choose Stoney Baloney.

Andy’s selections
1. Madness - My Girl
2. The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
3. Texas - Say What You Want
4. INXS - New Sensation
5. Manic Street Preachers - Your Love Alone
6. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - By The Way

My Ear Candy #33 Stewart Smith & Drew McDonald

One of the peculiarities of modern day community radio, and there are plenty, is that one can broadcast from an Aberdeenshire studio yet be heard in countries throughout the world. Take my show on Mearns FM for example, there we are waffling away in a dungeon at the back of Stonehaven Town Hall, yet online listeners can pick us up in Poland, Australia and the States. And Kineff. Whether punters choose to or not is a different matter but let’s not spoil a beautiful illusion. My ego’s taken a pounding lately and needs stroking, I don’t think I’ll ever live down the national media’s graphic photograph of me in that leopardskin thong.

Local Scotmid managers Stewart Smith and Drew McDonald were my guests on Friday and mighty fine ones too, despite Stewart’s unpardonable selection of a Bon Jovi track. Bit of a cheek really, I take the trouble to honour his roots by playing a classic from Leed’s finest band, The Wedding Present, and he rewards me with a naff poodle rock number by way of reply. Thankfully Drew compensated for his colleague’s lamentable taste by nominating a Depeche Mode number later by way of an equaliser. And talking of football speak, spot the lame segway, we enjoyed some knockabout chat regards their respective football allegiances. The least said about Drew’s Man United the better, but I have a grudging respect for Stewart’s Leeds United, probably because his club and mine (Villa) have shared turbulent times in recent decades so have a certain empathy for one another. I did however take the trouble to remind Stewart of his club’s inglorious capitulation to mine in the 1994 League Cup Final when the only entertainment Leeds United offered was to wheel the enormous Thomas Brolin on as substitute for everyone to snigger at. Their fans serenaded Brolin to the tune of Dolly Parton’s hit ‘Jolene’ but I’m not sure the lyrics need repeating here.

Scotmid are very genuine about their care in the community, spending hundreds of thousands on local projects and the guys outlined how community organisations could apply, more details here. Stewart and Drew’s nature epitomises the ethos of the company, good, genuine and true although they let themselves down when I enquired whether the Aberdeenshire branch of the Aston Villa Supporters Club (ie. me and my two sons) qualified for funding, somewhat abruptly giving me short shrift. Hopefully your application is received with rather less contempt than mine, apparently they prefer to support such frippery as woodland activity centres for kids, care home garden titivation and various other charitable causes. This is all very well but surely the financing of fortnights trips from Auchenblae to Villa Park should feature somewhere toward the summit of their pecking order.

That being said, I’d like to thank Stewart and Drew for their contributions to a very enjoyable show (I refer chiefly of course to their chat and not their music). If you missed the broadcast then, first, consider yourself admonished and, second, click this link and choose Stoney Baloney, it’s available till April 6th. Happy Easter y’all.

Stewart’s selections
1. Slate - Coz I Luv You
2. Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds
3. Credence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son
4. Thin Lizzy - Black Rose
5. Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer
6. Fleetwood MAC - Albatross
7. Bad Touch - 99%

My Ear Candy #32 Tom Keane

I was well excited when Tom Keane agreed to be my guest on Friday. Tom's the owner of a coaching company and I wanted to persuade him to coach my ailing football team since we're stuffing up our promotion prospects. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered he wasn't a football coach but trained folk in the oil & gas industry instead. What good is that to me? There's no point teaching Alan Hutton how to drill a well even if he would be better served with such a change in career. Nevertheless, we ploughed on.

I've known Tom for a couple of years now, we met one Sunday morning at City Church in Laurencekirk. His faith in God has been an inspiration to me and reminds me how reliant I am upon that same God who saved me from alcohol and sustains me still. He lives in St Cyrus (Tom not God) and his four children have produced twelve grandchildren, an expensive Christmas for him and his wife and no mistake. They moved up from Dewsbury in West Yorkshire three decades ago when he accepted a posting to coach firefighters offshore, he's remained here ever since.

I asked Tom to select six tracks, a request he wrestled with long and hard yet still, despite all that,  he plumped for a U2 track. I ask you. My golden rule of not allowing Status Quo was flouted recently and now I find U2 being foisted upon my listenership, it simply won't do. The other tracks were okay, Bowie and 10cc in particular, and I quite liked The Killers number. I'm thinking six out of ten for tonight's choices but it was a pleasure to end with a triumphant worship song so I'll give an extra mark for that. Thanks Tom, you were a terrific guest and if you want the proof here's a link, just choose Stoney Baloney.

Tom's selections
1. The Killers - Read My Mind
2. David Bowie - Starman
3. 10cc - I'm Not In Love
4. Mumford & Sons - Timshel
5. U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
6. Hillsong - So Will I

My Ear Candy #31 Kate McKay

It nearly kicked off on Friday night during my radio show. About halfway through, I bought myself time for a leak by playing a long track, only to receive pelters from some blokes outside in the corridor. There was a gig in the adjoining town hall and hangers-on of the band were giving it the large one as I tried to get past, they'd had a shandy and were now Billy Bigtime. I got the hump and told them so which lead to a confrontation. No blows were exchanged, not cos I'm hard but because the main protagonist was twice my size. I thought better of offering him out.

Back in the studio my special guest, Kate McKay, was being bored rigid by my co-presenter Steven J Innes. I wouldn't usually award him such lofty status but I need to stay on his right side if I want tickets off him for the cup final should Aberdeen turn Motherwell over in the semi. Kate politely humoured him but looked well relieved as I returned from my roadie altercation, there's only so many lame jokes you can tolerate in the course of three minutes. 

Kate owns a creative design bizzerniss called 4Ttude (here's a link) which she successfully got off the ground last year, it's based in Aberdeenshire but deals with people far and wide. I'm in awe of people with the courage to set up a business, it takes sphericals to leave paid employment and go it alone. 4Ttude is thriving and it couldn't happen to a nicer person. Listeners and I learned of Kate's roots in Fife, Freuchie to be precise, although her first four years were spent in Canada. I'm familiar with parts of Fife, thanks to my own family connections, so was surprised to hear from Kate that it had a 'nice' part. No offence like. Apparently Freuchie's a pleasant spot but I need some persuading, just because it's got a cricket club doesn't mean it's got class. Birmingham has a cricket club for example.

We talked of Kate's three lads, (aged 2, 8 & 15), followers of Aberdeen FC on the plus side but with regrettable Man United leanings in the debit column. If their musical tastes are as impressive as their mother's I can assure their prospective girlfriends that if Kate's sons' patter is found wanting, at least their music will compensate, just shove on one of their CDs. Any guest who selects Depeche Mode is fine by me, similarly monkey man Ian Brown can do little wrong and PJ Harvey is quality too, fine choices. The Fun Lovin' Criminals track I played with trepidation, had I mistakenly chosen the blasphemy strewn version my broadcasting career would have been toast but thankfully we got the clean version, so my meteoric rise to fame can continue apace. My agent is making noises about an appearance on the Jonathan Ross Show but that's perhaps a little soon. Besides, I can't stand the bloke (Ross, not my agent).  

Kate's selections rather put Steven's into the shade. I foolishly allowed him a pick too and he plumped for some lame American who had no more right to record music than I do. To top Kate's list off though we had a Bob Dylan cover which sounded superb until the news headlines crashed in on the hour, my time management going all to cock. The number of times I crash music into adverts and news headlines rivals the number of trophies Aston Villa's cabinet contains, hundreds. Still, we'd enjoyed a very pleasant hour together and will do so again later in the year, Kate's the sort of easy company that every weekend should begin with, fun, energetic and classy musical tastes. You can come back too Innes if you get me those tickets, you can forget it if you don't.

Kate's selections

1. Bassheads - Is There Anybody Out There
2. Ian Brown - F.E.A.R.
3. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks
4. P.J. Harvey - The Words That Maketh Murder
5. Depeche Mode - Where's The Revolution
6. Laura Marling - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall

My Ear Candy #30 Mechelle Clark

My guest this week was Mechelle Clark, owner of Melt in Aberdeen, a food establishment providing toasties the size of telephone directories, you gotta try one, here’s where you’ll find them.

Discourse was convivial despite my controversial opening gambit claiming Mechelle had spent her life spelling her name incorrectly, her response amounting to the first of several admonishments, all of them warranted. I found myself behaving in an unusually eccentric  fashion tonight, like an  impish, yappy dog you just want to boot out the back door,  giddy and unnecessary. Mechelle handled me patiently but was surely wondering why on earth she’d agreed to buy this damned mutt. In my defence, I had my reasons for such tomfoolery...

Friday was my sobriety anniversary, the one day I pat myself on the back for achieving another year of freedom from alcohol, though all thanks in truth be to God, not me. I was feeling ironically drunk on adrenaline, so performed like rather an arse on air, rubbishing a couple of Mechelle’s tracks and the entire jazz genre (though I make no apology for the latter). I kept my composure for long enough to explain anyone could get sober if I could, there’s help for you here if you feel powerless over alcohol and here if you’re a family member at your wits end.

Mechelle was great company despite my shenanigans. Her attitude to life is one we should all take note of, if not an ‘anything goes’ approach then something pretty close. Her music choices illustrated this I reckon, an eclectic combination of northern soul and avant- grade melody though a regrettable dearth of jangly guitar, I compensated for this when taking the helm for the second hour of the show. It was fascinating learning of Mechelle’s admiration of Bowie and Prince, though I challenged her assertion that Prince was a handsome individual on any eye candy level, not even he could carry off a Hall & Oates style moustache and perm mullet while dressed in a purple mankini. I can though 🙂.

Mechelle’s spirited defence of northern soul convinced me that the vibe of this movement was exciting and inspiring, all night dancing sweatshops and a dress code all of its own, but the music itself wasn’t my bag. Anything approaching Motown turns me off and northern soul flirts dangerously with that.

So to summarise, 10/10 to Mechelle for being great company and an inspiring individual, 6/10 for the music but a commendation for not bringing any jazz. Here’s the link for you to listen to a playback Mearns FM , choose ’Stoney Baloney’. 

Mechelle’s selections

1. David Bowie-Sorrow
2. The Flamingos-I Only Have Eyes For You
3. Luther Ingram-If It’s All The Same To You
4. B52’s-Rock Lobster
5. R Dean Taylor-Ghost In My House
6. Prince-Raspberry Beret

My Ear Candy #29 Steven J Innes

Never mind snowmageddon, Mearns FM had its very own beast from the east in the studio on Friday, Steven J Innes. He had promised to bring wit and wisdom however brought neither, outstaying his welcome by an hour into the bargain, but he did deliver some quality Rangers baiting to justify his invitation. More of that later.

It's fair to say my guests don't always bring the finest of tunes so I limited Mr Innes to two tracks only, merciful behaviour in the interests of my listeners, all three of them. His first one was acceptable, Bruce Hornsby & The Range's 'The Way It Is', but his second stunk the place out, some middle of the road American muck, lyrics straight from a sixth former's jotter. He's a nice chap Steven, but if his cooking is anything like his music and he invites you round for dinner, I'd get a takeaway if I were you.

We broadcast from a studio at the rear of Stonehaven Town Hall and, somewhat aptly, there was an 80s night underway in the main room. The 80s is our era, (Steven - Kajagoogoo, Black Lace, myself - The Smiths, The Specials) and back then we'd swing our pants at the Commodore disco on a Friday night. I remember well Steven's failed attempts at chatting up girls while I was busy fending them off, I used to feel sorry for him so, to save his blushes, I'd pay him a couple of quid to dish out my autographed photos. Similarly, my agreement to have him as a radio guest was a compensatory gesture of generosity after I'd humbled him at Hazlehead golf course a short while back. I'm a big advocate of care in the community.

But let's return to the Rangers baiting, a comprehensive sullying of Glasgow's blue corner by SJI. I'd explained to him my confusion over the Aberdeen / Rangers feud, where it might have originated, and he described bewilderment himself given the Rangers that the feud encompassed no longer existed. Apparently, according to Steven, that club ceased to exist some years ago and a new entity formed from the ashes. He was very complimentary of this new venture, explaining how they'd progressed through the divisions and were now in the same league as his club Aberdeen, quite an achievement. At this juncture one of his friends contacted him to protest in the strongest terms, this individual had once supported the now defunct football club and felt they were being unjustly insulted. Steven dealt with his complaint satisfactorily and we've offered the complainant the right to reply on a forthcoming show. I'll be inviting Steven too, the ambulance has been booked.

What else did we talk about? Well, Steven's business interests, Aston Villa, Teenage Fanclub, this and that. The music was class, his two selections apart, and if you want the proof just listen here choosing 'Stoney Baloney' and it's available till March 9th. Have a good week everybody.

My Ear Candy #28 Luke Ellix

I wish the surname of tonight's guest was mine, I'd be called Alex Ellix. Instead, my guest Luke is beneficiary of said moniker and, as we were to discover, many other assets too. A blokes' pride is easily dented, it doesn't take much for us to feel inadequate, so you can imagine how a guest about to climb Everest made me feel. (*mental note, make sure next guest is a couch potato).

In just a couple of weeks, Luke is climbing to Mount Everest's base camp to raise funds for Children In Need. That's a 19 day trek reaching altitudes of 17,000 feet, makes your eyes water thinking about it. Temperatures will drop to -20, possibly the only element of the project which he'll be comfortable with given he lives in Aberdeenshire, that's a summer's day.  Luke and his friend Gerard have raised over four grand so far, if you think you can top that up do visit this link which tells you all about the expedition and how to donate.

On to the music and I found myself faced with six tracks I'd never heard of but it makes a pleasant change to try new stuff. In the event none bowled me over and none offended me, each selection I enjoyed yet wouldn't buy, that sure reads as damnation by faint praise but isn't the intention. P'raps I'll stop digging and start a new paragraph instead.

There was quite an eclectic mixture of guitar slaloms, earthy singing and mellow ambience (despite tracks from Disturbed and Linkin Park) and very pleasant they were too. I think it was the John Butler Trio track which boasted a twelve string guitar and one of the others seemed to incorporate every musical instrument known to man, I can't remember which. The final track was a dance floor filler, were you that way inclined, I'm not cos I've three left feet never mind two. It was performed by a Danish singer which completed an impressive tour of the world taking in Iceland, Australia, America and, of course, Scotland. We enjoyed a good night of music and an inspirational talk about climbing, despite my lack of knowledge on the subject since the highest I've ever journeyed is the back of Villa Park's Holte End, although that can be classed as dangerous territory in itself.

We send Luke all of our prayers for a safe and enjoyable Mount Everest experience and look forward to hearing about it when he returns as my guest again.

Luke's selections
1 - Skerryvore - Blown Away
2 - Kaleo - Way Down We Go
3 - John Butler Trio - Take
4 - Disturbed - The Sound of Silence
5 - Linkin Park - Iridescent
6 - MØ - Final Song

My Ear Candy #27 Amy Eley

Only the chosen few are invited back as guests on the Stoney Baloney Show, either because they’re great company or because they’ve serious making up to do for shambolic selections first time around. Tonight’s guest, Amy Eley, qualified on both counts, how’s that for a back handed compliment? Apologies Amy.

This was my last show for a fortnight, I’m off to visit my brother in Florida, so wanted to sign off in style. Thanks to Amy we carried off a splendid show, her selections largely sound and including a Leonard Cohen track, the most poignant song I’ve heard in a long time. Cohen knew he was dying and wrote this song to embrace faith, death and humour, quite a combo, delivering it in his trademark jagged voiced style. Another belter came from the Mystery Jets and combined with Cohen, they outweighed the horrible spectacle of a Status Quo number, a band hitherto barred from my show. What a din, never again.

Amy’s calm, gentle nature was the perfect antidote to my endless, aimless waffle , a well poised and beautiful swan floating alongside the ugliest of panicked ducklings. I was nervous about the forthcoming Aston Villa v Birmingham City fixture and couldn’t seem to settle, any time we play that mob I get the willies, defeat too horrendous a concept to contemplate. Amy patiently tolerated my Villaspeak and we gassed our way through two very pleasant hours together (I’m referring to chat not wind breaking). Listen to the playback here, just choose ‘Stoney Baloney’.

Some folk are the easiest of company, spending time with them akin to wearing a pair of well loved slippers. Thank you Amy for being my comfy tartan baffies.

Amy’s Selections
1. The Man - The Killers
2. Bubblegum - Mystery Jets
3. Pictures Of Matchstick Men - Status Quo (😔)
4. PS. You Rock My World - Eels
5. You Want It Darker - Leonard Cohen
6. Come And Get Your Love - Redbone

My Ear Candy #26 Gayle Culross

Community radio is a blast. You play your own music, goof around with your friends, drink coffee till it comes out your ears and in my case sermonise on all things Aston Villa. Mearns FM broadcasts from a studio in Stonehaven’s Town Hall, a pleasant if dank dungeon at the rear of the building, and there are times when our broadcasts are serenaded by the din emanating from the main hall, tonight was one of those nights. The annual Farmer’s Ball was in full swing, we had to wade through cattle, sheep and goats to get into the studio, wellied up dungaree wearing bumpkins too. Still, they seemed to be enjoying themselves and I’m sure the food was exceptional, if you can’t get a good side of beef at the farmer’s dinner then we all need to pack up and go home.

Back in the studio, struggling to drown out the marauding farming fraternity, sat myself and special guest Gayle Culross. I get some guests on who, like me, have a face for radio but I’ve been blessed lately with women of startling beauty and Gayle falls comfortably into this category. It’s perhaps inappropriate for me to make mention of this but listeners need to know why I was babbling even more randomly  than normal, I felt a little overawed. All attempts at seduction were straight batted however and upon learning of Gayle’s blissfully happy eighteen year marriage to Greg, I conceded defeat. Men, we really are pathetic.

Onto the music and Gayle’s six selections were a mixed bag of country, electronica and pap. The tales behind each selection were entertaining; misjudged fancy dress outfits at Dolly Parton concerts, illegal recordings of radio chart shows, unfulfilled devotion to Wham’s lead singer, a Mike Flowers impersonating elder brother, a sporting giant of a husband (his perception only) and treasured memories of a beloved mother. The chat off air was even more entertaining but you ain’t gettin any of that because there’d be a contract put out on me. What I can divulge is that her friends sound as mad as a box of frogs and if you plan an evening out in Dundee anytime soon perhaps best choose Aberdeen instead. 

Big thanks to Blaze Manufacturing for releasing your Head Of Communications into the wild, she proved more than a measure for this hapless, community radio wannabe and, if she promises not to request Dolly Parton again, is welcome back anytime. 

Gayle’s Selections 

1. Dolly Parton - Jolene

2. Soft Cell - Tainted Love

3. George Michael - Freedom 

4. Oasis - Wonderwall

5. The Killers - Mr Brightside

6. David Guetta - Titanium

My Ear Candy #25 Lesa Taylor & Aisling Hanly FitzGerald

Welcome to the weekly summary of Stoney Baloney, my Friday night mess around on local radio. 

I welcomed a posse of unofficial Forfar Athletic nuts this week (with the emphasis on nuts) who’d travelled up to share some tracks ahead of their club’s fixture at East Fife the following day. I can only assume there’s something about a forthcoming trip to Methil that has people spoiling for a fight since my roguish Forfarian guests put me through my paces and no mistake,  cheek and pelters dished out in equal measure.

But let’s start with an official dressing down of my fellow presenter Lewis Main who strung me up like a kipper by sabotaging the controls before handing over at 9pm. The spineless gimp set me up with a toe curling intro, a diabolical Rick Astley and Kylie Minogue mashup. You’ll get yours Main, mark my words. Enough though of internal caperings , let us turn to Forfar’s golden girls, Lesa and Aisling.

They’d decided to select tracks with a Forfar Athletic connection so began with the theme music to cult film ‘Local Hero’ since this is the music the players run out to. It was pleasant enough but took a few minutes to get going, a description of our daily lives is it not? Next came ‘The Only Way Is Up’ upon which I delivered a mercy killing after three minutes since I could take no more, but the remaining four tracks were spot on; Oasis, Springsteen, Carly Simon and Petty.

Each track related in some fashion to Forfar Athletic FC and none more so than Carly Simon’s ‘You’re So Vain’, a nod towards the, shall we say, self conscious individuals within the club. Aisling explained there were a number of contenders for the club’s ,biggest poser’ accolade,not all of them players, a certain director earning a mention while he was out of the studio taking a leak, but Forfar’s Strutting Peacock-in-Chief turned out to be player Michael Travis. Congratulations Mikey, I’ve taken a peek at your profile and can confirm you’re fully deserving of the award, I’m sure you’ll be putting our star prize, a vat of hair gel and gold plated nasal hair trimmer, to good use.

Turning to my guests, I must say what a delight they were. Chaperoned by club directors Alastair Donald and Louise Taylor, who were equally as cheeky (Donald) and pleasant (Taylor), these beautiful ladies were a good laugh as we crashed through topics that embraced Forfar, personalised number plates, grumbling supporters, children, books, this, that and indeed the other. Great fun, good people, super football club. The kind gift of a mini Baxter The Bridie was much appreciated by my lad Ernie thanks ladies, he’s a bona fide Loon now for sure.

Lesa & Aisling’s selections

1. Local Hero - Mark Knopfler
2. The Only Way Is Up - Yazz
3. Learning To Fly - Tom Petty
4. You’re So Vain - Carly Simon
5. Don’t Look Back In Anger - Oasis
6. Dancing In The Dark - Bruce Springsteen

My Ear Candy #24 Bob Keiller

My guest this week was Bob Keiller, he was gonna be a ‘special’ guest until he turned up late and confessed on air that he didn’t like football so was rightly demoted to mere ‘guest’ status. This startling faux pas apart, Bob proved a very entertaining guest and, unlike many of my invitees, brought along good selections.

What can I tell you about Bob? Well click on this link, choose Stoney Baloney and wind it on to the 25 minute mark and he’ll tell you himself, keep listening for an hour and you’ll hear his favourite tracks and more too. We had a great time, despite the barely forgivable selection of a George Michael track, not something I usually permit but given Bob’s got a CBE and is therefore borderline royalty I felt compelled.

The best tracks were the first, a brilliant cover of a Simon & Garfunkel track by a band that really ought to think harder about their stage name, and the last choice, ‘Sunny’. I advise you to listen to the poignant reason Bob chose this song, anyone who’s experienced a similar trauma will identity I hope with the terrific lyrics and passion with which Bobby Herb sings. Oasis are always a winner, there’s a great story behind the UB40 song and The Jam I won’t comment upon given their lead singer once slated Depeche Mode, he should be shackled in the Tower of London for that.

Thanks for being a super guest Bob, if you ever want to get into football let me know and I’ll get you down to Villa Park, bring your boots and you’ll get a game.

Bob’s Selections 

1. Pigpen Theatre Company  -The Only Living Boy in New York

2. The Jam - Down in the Tube Station at Midnight

3. UB40 - Tyler

4. George Michael - Killer/My Papa was a Rolling Stone

5. Oasis - Champagne Supernova

6. Bobby Herb - Sunny

My Ear Candy #23 Eilidh MacGillivray

Fun unconfined at Mearns FM on Friday night although it started in mini-disaster, I dropped the station's yet to be collected Christmas raffle prize and six bottles of craft beer hit the deck with predictable consequences. The studio was now honking of alcohol and given I'm a recovering alcoholic that wasn't good. I managed to resist licking up the mess and quietened the stench with carpet shampoo before spinning the first disc.

Tonight's special guest was Eilidh (pronounced Aylee for the benefit of English readers).Her stage name would surely be Aylee Mac, I suppose mine would be Big Al except I'm not big and only my brother Stu calls me Al so scrub that. Eilidh had mercifully good taste but even better still her father was listening, not because this doubles my listenership but because he requested a Dylan track which gave me carte blanche to play half a dozen of them. Any excuse.

Eilidh's ten year old daughter Isla also tuned in and it was her selection that we kicked off with, an Amy MacDonald number which I enjoyed to my surprise. Next, as craft beer coarsed through our nostrils, came a Blondie track during which we agreed how delectable she was, I spent the best part of the eighties drooling over her you know (Blondie not Eilidh, not that Eilidh isn't worthy of being drooled over, I'm not dissing Aylee Mac or anything, oh sod it I'll stop digging). Eilidh was super company if a little impish, she dished out more cheek than I would usually deem acceptable, it's about time my guests accepted that I'm the star of the show, they need to know their place.

So two very pleasurable hours spent despite the pungent odour of stale ale seeping into the carpet before we made our escape into the Aberdeenshire wind and rain. Thank you Eilidh and thank you Eilidh's dad. Here's a link for those who missed it...listen-again , just pick 'Stoney Baloney'.

Eilidh's selections
1. Amy Macdonald - Mr Rock n Roll
2. David Bowie - Starman
3. Blondie - Atomic
4. Fleetwood Mac - Gypsy
5. Chemical Brothers - Hey Boy Hey Girl
6. Primal Scream - Movin' On Up

My Ear Candy #22 - Steve Thomson

‘Twas a cold Aberdeenshire night, driving rain ushering people home, the frozen streets now deserted. The general public, knowing not how best to spend their evenings indoors, the television offering nothing having played all of its trump cards over the festive period, retired to their social media outlets in search of entertainment. How would they get through the night? What was there to relieve the beckoning boredom? Then it happened, the gift that only a chosen few rightfully expect, an opportunity to turn evenings from despair to glory, for on their facebook pages arrived a notification from Mearns FM radio informing them that Stoney Baloney was on air, and with it, a selection of sensational songs chosen by presenter, Alex Russon. Then his guest Steve Thomson turned up.

In fairness Steve selected three top tracks, only the first stank the studio out, Queen’s lame effort ‘The Miracle’. House rules dictate Queen output is forbidden, a regulation I diligently uphold, but with Steve appearing on the radio for the first time I took pity and overlooked his glaring indiscretion. We therefore plodded through four minutes of dirge before moving on. 

Steve has a coaching/development business and it was inspiring to hear the encouragement he delivers to people in the workplace looking to better themselves, to improve, to strive. We can all take lessons in self development, not least myself, my ambition rarely having exceeded what I might line my stomach with at my next meal. Steve’s business SYT Coaching & Development is the place to go if your business is looking to bring the best out of its people, for my part I’m beyond repair.

Track two of Steve’s chosen six was a dreamy Pink Floyd instrumental, the type you need to be in the mood for. I’m one of the few to have allowed Pink Floyd to pass me by but this track didn’t offend me, nor the subsequent Nat King Cole effort ‘Smile’ (although In truth I compliment this selection only out of etiquette since one doesn’t diss NKC, regarded as musical royalty.) Order was restored with three top notch tunes from an era I’m happy to be stuck in (late 70s/through the 80s), topped by a Simple Minds track that used to have Stonehaven’s Commy disco bouncing.

Thanks Steve for being a super guest, a nicer guy you couldn’t meet, unless taking into account Villa’s goalkeeper who is benevolent beyond measure towards opposing strikers. Steve’s football leanings are in the direction of Aberdeen FC, this I can accept. His wider family have Arsenal FC sympathies however and with that comes disdain, a more soulless squad of squillionaire posers you couldn’t wish to find but don’t start me on modern day football.

Steve’s Selections 

1. The Miracle - Queen
2. Marooned - Pink Floyd
3. Ghost Dancing - Simple Minds
4. Smile - Nat King Cole
5. Perfect Skin - Lloyd Cole
6. Dreamer - Supertramp