My Ear Candy #17 - Allison Stewart

I've had some wicked guests since I started my Stoney Baloney show a year or so ago, people from different walks of life, each with a fascinating tale to tell. This week I hit the jackpot, arise Dame Allison Stewart of Alli-Baba Cakes, the first guest I've had bearing gifts and providing an off-air counselling service while her tracks were being played, top bins. 

I'd been warned not to expect to get a word in edge ways and in this respect was not disappointed. My Granny knew how to blether God bless her but she was a mute in comparison to Allison who is of gold medal standard, indeed it was an achievement to cram her six songs in within the allotted time. And what did we glean about Allison's life? Well, she started out in Falkirk, moved with her family to the Middle East then alighted in Aberdeenshire, currently residing  in Newtonhill although she is planning to move closer to her business in Laurencekirk. That's the boring stuff out the way, the juicy stuff came when we got into her love life, or lack thereof. Despite being a prize catch, her luck with men has been akin to mine with the National Lottery and she candidly described her low point as the three hour date with a bloke who proceeded to spend the entire time talking about concrete. I'm no Romeo but if I'd have been in his shoes I might have been tempted to move the conversation on a little from the rudiments of concrete setting, he didn't feel it prudent so to do however. That said, Allison's confession that she'd taken her two pet dogs along to this first date so she could walk them thereby 'killing two birds with one stone' suggested that her approach to first dates could be sharpened a little too.

I ain't goin into detail because you never know who's reading this blog but Allison's counselling of me while her songs were spinning was much appreciated. What a woman, said all the things I needed to hear, tough love delivered with beautiful cake, a fine combination. Once her cake empire is fully fledged a career in counselling awaits, meantime Mearns FM is in negotiation with her agent regards her becoming an on air Agony Aunt but so far these have stalled because she's insisting her dogs come too.

Allison's song selections ranged from good to awful with an overall standard of meh. Any Oasis choice is okay by me but Gabrielle and Pink are barely forgivable, the full list is below. Thanks very much for being a terrific guest Allison, for those that missed it this link here is valid till August 12th, just choose Stoney Baloney Listen Again link

Allison's Selections

Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely

Gabrielle - Sunshine

Wham - Club Tropicana

Pink - Rockstar

Oasis - Live Forever

Chumbawumba - Tubthumping

Being Dad #1

That's me back and reunited with my children after two weeks solitude in Florida. Kids are a blessing to us but I'm changing my approach having had a fortnight to think things over, I'm gonna try and be a blessing to them.

Sounds boastful doesn't it, maybe a touch arrogant claiming to be a blessing to your children? Well yes it would if you claimed such haughty status but not if you're simply acknowledging it as an aspiration. Ask any father what his priorities in life are and top of the list would be safety and security for his children, but what is he, what am I, doing about it? How am I contributing positively to the welfare of the children that rank number one in my priorities? This is the question two weeks of naval gazing has coughed up and I'm delighted that it did because just as a malady can only be corrected when diagnosed, so relationships can only be strengthened once you've spotted a deficiency. Hands up, I've not been a great Dad, I've been an adequate one but who wants adequacy when you can have splendor? It's time to step up and I'm excited about the journey ahead, the next step is working out where to start.

For guidance on fatherhood I can think of no better book than the bible to seek discernment, God after all is the father, the son and the Holy Spirit so if he can't assist then heaven help me. I don't know if you've heard of this 'bible' of which I speak but to give you a bit of background, it's the world's biggest selling book with 5 billion having been printed, don't take my word for it see this Guinness Book Of Records link 5 billion bibles . To my mind, if the bible is God breathed and God is our father, it seems a sensible place to start when establishing what it takes to be a good Dad. I haven't read it all, you try ploughing through the Old Testament without snoring, but with the cheeky use of a study bible I can offer myself a couple of insights and you too if being a better Dad is something you find attractive.

1. Time
Presents are nice, so are other random acts of generosity and all round niceness but what kids want most of all is your time and attention. They want to be in your company, receiving your undivided, not always possible but I can certainly make it happen a lot more than I have previously. In my language that means I need to spend time with my laptop closed, my phone on silent and quit the mindless channel hopping on the telly. My children deserve eye to eye, shoulder to shoulder, father to child one on one attention, your child wants your time.

2. Patience
Hmm, not good at patience in the modern world are we? Stresses of work, troublesome relationships, all manner of competing demands for our time, it leads to short fuses and short tempers. So when you get home and the kids are clamoring for your attention and you're not up for it, why not take a breath and decide to BE up for it! Have patience. Pull up on the driveway, turn off the engine and before you climb out of the car have a word with yourself. After hours apart you're returning to the arms of the children you chose to bring into your life, they'll pull at your trouser legs, gabble questions ten to the dozen and it'll be a whirlwind of an entrance but be patient, they're thrilled to see their Dad, you're special to them, count to ten, enjoy and embrace them.

3. Respect
Here's one I'm constantly having to work on, respect. When you're the all knowing, all powerful father figure, what you say goes, kids have to suck it up, but that doesn't mean you can throw your weight around as if the family home is your fiefdom in which you steamroller all-comers. My children have opinions, desires, wants and needs, they deserve to be listened to, fatherhood isn't just a case of delivering demands and decrees, catch yourself on, a good role model isn't an authoritarian, yes there there are times when order needs restoring but don't let that be your trump card in all situations. The time and patience you show your kids can be wrapped up in the respect that you show them.

I don't have all the answers, all I've got are the questions, the stuff I share above is purely the result of investigations made by an ordinary Joe seeking to be a better Dad and not the ramblings of a big heided, ken it 'a. I'm just like you, I wanna be a good Dad, it's there for us if we want it!

My Ear Candy #16 - Scott James

My guest on Friday's show was Scott James and great value he was too (this ain't him by the way, that's Ronan Keating.) It gives me a kick when guests are within walking distance of our Stonehaven studio although I have my doubts that Scott did indeed walk, by his own admission his stellar fitness years may be behind him. I can't speak mind you, I'm just back from my holidays having promised myself I'd go running every day and I haven't got off my fat backside so far other than to collect more chocolate from the kitchen cupboard.

Scott's residence in Stonehaven is the result of a steady journey south from his origins in Fraserburgh, or 'the broch' as he called it. He was brought up there and continues to enjoy friendships with a bunch of herberts from the town's football fraternity which he was once part of. He progressed to Stoney via Peterhead and Portlethen and has two young kids at Mill 'O Forest, if they play their cards right they'll get the chance to follow my footsteps into Mackie Academy one day but at least they'll be saved the savagery of corporal punishment 80s style for any misdemeanours. Scott and I discussed my belting at Mackie for the heinous crime of snowballing back in the day but I digress.

The Stoney Baloney show gives guests the opportunity to tell us a little about their lives and their livelihoods too. Scott has his own business, Scott James Wealth Management, which assists people who are looking for guidance on how best to invest their finances, something I believe we could all take advice on, he's very experienced and there's no better fellow to give you honest advice. His musical tastes on the other hand I feel less able to champion given the six tracks he presented to us, I can't expect everybody to be an indie fan but hells bells it'd be nice if just one of his six had a bit of edge to it. I had to play Ronan Keating for goodness sake, how does an aspiring DJ recover his street cred after that? Here's the list of woe in full, a couple of acceptable ones, a couple of borderline efforts and two downright stinkers. You're welcome back to Mearns FM anytime Scott, you're a natural on the radio, but you bring the patter and I'll bring the music.

Scott's Selections

Katy Perry- Fireworks

Ronan Keating - When You Say Nothing At All

Semisonic- Closing Time

George Ezra - Budapest 

The Kinks - Sunday Afternoon 

Walk The Moon- Shut Up And Dance

My Ear Candy #15 - Bob McAlpine

Who would appear on your list of the word's nicest guys and gals? Roger Federer undoubtedly, perhaps Michael Buble who appears to be a thoroughly decent chap and we'd surely all nominate our grannies. Well I've added Bob McAlpine to my list having enjoyed his company on my radio show last evening, a more modest and pleasant person you couldn't hope to meet.

Bob and his family set up a business called Dalriada Holiday Lodges which is constructing eight luxury lodges adjacent to Stonehaven Golf Club, they should be ready for occupancy by year end. They're situated where a derelict house slept for many a year, right behind the 9th green (or the 10th in old money), a piece of land that friends and I have peppered with ill directed approach shots for decades. The site commands incredible views across the North Sea skyline beyond the sweeping golf course greenery beneath and to the right the crescent shaped bay of Stonehaven guards the beautiful town. Take a look for yourself on their Facebook page or better still arrange a site visit with Bob on 01569 769189.

Bob was brought up in Fife and joined the armed forces before embarking on a career in the oil and gas sector and he now lives in Portlethen. He's very well travelled but confesses never to have visited Villa Park, clearly a major oversight, surely a venue for any self respecting bucket list. Bob's musical tastes match his personality to a tee, calm, pleasant and dependable. If you're looking for a haven of tranquillity and can't afford a sedate cruise around the Caribbean, do yourself a favour and spend an hour in Bob McAlpine's company, one of life's good guys. Good luck with the lodges Bob, put me down for the third week of next June, I'll use it as a base when winning the Stonehaven Golf Club Championship.

Bob's Selections

1. Voices In The Sky - Moody Blues
2. In The Summertime- Mungo Jerry
3. Vivo Per Lei - Andrea Boccelli
4. Everything- Michael Buble
5. All I Wanna Do - Sheryl Crow
6. Girl From Ipanema - J Gilberto

Sent from my iPad

My Ear Candy #14 - Gerry Robertson

This week's guest was Gerry Robertson who brought along a glamorous bodyguard in the shape of Laura, the pair of them rockers from Perth (Scotland not Australia) now living in Aberdeen. I must confess to a degree of apprehension having to play six tracks selected by a greaser but I found myself pleasantly surprised, who knew that heavy metal could be listenable?

I'm something of a music expert, my ears honed to only the best in indie music's cannon from yesteryear and the present day, I'm down with the kids and no mistake. Heavy metal has always passed me by, aside from the Ace Of Spades and Paranoid, not for me the ear shattering din of shaggy haired beardos, disappearing up their own rectums with their never ending screeching guitar solos. I remember a kid at school called Selwyn (who calls their kid Selwyn?) who wore a denim jacket with a 'Rainbow' badge sewn across the back and stank of petunia, he invited me to his house once and played this insufferable metal stuff and it put me off for life...or so I thought. For tonight, much to my surprise and I admit it, disappointment, I found myself enjoying heavy metal music. I'll say that again, I enjoyed heavy metal.

I didn't enjoy all of it mind you, the Aerosmith track got off to a decent start but petered out somewhat and Deep Purple was a bit of a dirge, the rest though wasn't bad at all. Thin Lizzy's track was familiar to me but I had egg on my face when announcing the lead singer had been married to Bob Monkhouse's daughter only to wiki it later to find it was Leslie Crowther (just to clarify, the lead singer married Leslie Crowther's daughter, not Leslie Crowther.) The AC/DC one was familiar too, but the biggest shock was listening to Ozzy Osborne sing melodically, something I wasn't aware he was capable of.

We rounded off the show with The Scorpions, a shared passion of Gerry and Laura's. Our chat during the show took in the subjects of football, any excuse for me to talk about Aston Villa, and the voluntary work Gerry and Laura do with Befriend A Child, taking a young lad out for a couple of hours every other weekend to give him some fun while his mum deals with the stuff of life. This charity does wonderful life affirming work, do get involved if you can because they need more volunteers.

9pm arrived, our signal to quit. A fun time was had by all and a poke of chips was had by me as I drove back to Aberdeen. Bad move, the car stank the next day.

Gerry's selections
Thin Lizzy - The Boys Are Back In Town
Aerosmith - Sweet Emotion
AC/DC - Highway to Hell
Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers
Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
The Scorpions - The Zoo 

My Ear Candy #13 - Kristine Buchanan

I suppose it's come to rather a pretty pass when your radio show guest is a fellow presenter but I had good reason to invite Kristine Buchanan on to my Stoney Baloney show this week. That reason isn't springing to mind quite yet but perhaps by paragraph three it will come to me. Inviting fellow presenters on is an insidious business, somewhat grotesque in its' nepotistic tendency, but I won't say anymore on the matter because I've exhausted my library of big words.

So it came to pass that I played the five tracks which provide a soundtrack to Kristine's eventful life, 'eventful' perhaps something of an understatement. Here is a woman who left her American roots twenty plus years ago to reward the UK with her presence, her mystery tour of the island starting in Brighton, taking her further north to London, north yet again to her current home in the Mearns, next stop Wick? That's a question not an instruction, although if she ever returns to my show and plays that damned Bruno Mars song again I will personally drive her to Wick and leave her there. I give my guests carte blanche to select any tracks they like but my hospitality is regularly abused I'm sad to say, my listeners insulted with all manner of sub standard guff and tonight we had to suffer the white noise of Uptown bleedin' Funk, surely the most irritating song since Black Lace belched out Agadoo.

Kristine's other four tracks varied between bearable and impressive, indeed the Dan Fogelburg effort was something of a triumphant discovery, I might be tempted to hijack it myself. Willie Nelson's velvety voice is always a pleasant tonic so that track passed muster but Garth Brook's effort fell a long way short of acceptability. Kristine's description of people from Brook's home state of Oklahoma was priceless though, I thought I held yam yams (Black Country folk) in low regard but my disdain is nothing as compared to my Texan guest's opinion of Oklahoma's residents who would appear to be six fingered carrot crunchers with little respect for personal hygiene. There wasn't time for the sixth track Kristine had nominated since we'd prattled on too long discussing this and indeed that. She did manage to cram in a Lyle Lovett track, you must google him, the guy wears a bird's nest above his eyes and is potentially the ugliest man I have ever seen. Quite what his former wife Julia Roberts saw in the millionaire famous musician I'll never know. He was punching so far above his weight he surely used step ladders.

We broadcast from a studio within Stonehaven Town Hall and while we were on, the event being held in the main hall, plainly playing second fiddle to my radio show, was a Wizard Of Oz performance. Their audience were somewhat disappointed to find the Tin Man wearing just jeans and a t-shirt for which I blame event security who were asleep on the job when I took a fancy to Tin Man's shiny silver costume which I spotted when walking to the lavatorie, I couldn't resist broadcasting the show in it. If nothing else it provided a ready made excuse for my show were it too sound a little rusty (I theng yoo.)

Thanks to Kristine for being a super guest, you really must listen to her Lone Star Show 6-7pm on Thursdays, it's always a riotous affair and her beautiful American accent provides a happy alternative to my drab monotone Brummy drawl. Her music ain't as good as mine though, FACT! Next week I have Finn Marsden as my guest, another example of fellow presenter neopotism. Still, he's cheap and accessible and as last resorts go I suppose he'll just have to do. Meantime here's a link to my show this week, just select Stoney Baloney from the list Stoney Baloney- Kristine Buchanan

Kristine's Selections
'Buttermilk Sky' by Willie Nelson
'That's Right, You're Not From Texas' by Lyle Lovett
'The Leader of the Band' by Dan Fogelberg
'Uptown Funk' by Mark Robson ft Bruno Mars
'Papa Loved Momma' by Garth Brooks

Monkeying Around

I ticked something off my bucket list last week, a little something I've always wanted to do but never had the chance. I know it's bound to be on your bucket list too but I'm afraid I've beaten you to it, yes,  I've achieved a three hour radio broadcast dedicated to Depeche Mode.

I've been obsessed with this band for three decades, ever since my mate at that time, Jason Waddleton, played me a song called 'Leave In Silence', a song which was reprehensibly described by Paul Weller as having less melody than the sound coming out of Kenny Wheeler's arsehole. Now you know why I never play The Jam on my show. Any road, despite the misgivings of Mr Weller, I've been hooked on Depeche Mode since then and decided the Mearns FM listenership required educating.

I was aided and abetted by my good friend Ian Monk who had kindly travelled from Redditch (nr Birmingham) to share his DM devotion with me. The whole show was a blast, encompassing b-sides, album tracks, remixes and live recordings that covered the band's back catalogue dating to their first single in 1981 'Dreaming Of Me'. We had folk listening in from across the globe, modern day media capabilities enabling online listeners to share our output wherever they were, and the request I put out for favourite b-side amassed 240 votes in no time. It ain't just me and Ian who's obsessed with the band. Things perhaps got a little bit anal in that we discussed the finer points of DM's career including Martin Gore recording 'Somebody' while stark naked, my only marrying my first wife because she'd kissed Dave Gahan at an album signing and the co-presenters squabbling over the best track off the album Music For The Masses, all rather unseemly. Nevertheless, our passion shone through, it was just a shame the  studio didn't have a webcam to show us dancing manically to Never Let Me Down Again. Second thoughts, it's not a shame at all.

We're considering another instalment in coming months, maybe stretching it to four hours since three was never enough. DM's discography merits it and I won't rest until the wider world has had the opportunity to share the wonder that is Depeche Mode. I've travelled to Hamburg to see them, queued for a day to meet them, been to four of their gigs in seven days, written a fanzine about them and plastered my walls with their album covers. I won't go into the lengths of Ian's devotion but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he had their faces tattooed on his intimate parts. I know I have.

Thanks to Ian for sharing a memorable show with me and to the hundreds who contributed. The following night 80,000 people saw Depeche Mode play at the Olympic Stadium, so if you're reading this Paul Weller, send me a recording of Kenny Wheeler's anal announcements because they must be absolutely superb.

You can listen again by clicking this following link and choosing the 'Alex Russon - Stoney Baloney' show. It's available till Friday DM radio show