Alcohol entered my life abruptly and took hold until I depended on it like children depend on their mother's milk. It tricked it's way in, gave me a new found courage to 'earn' my place amongst peers. Soon it became an anaesthetic, a subconscious self medication when life crowded in on me. Alcohol is a chameleon, appealing when you celebrate, commiserate, relax or panic. It's a reward after a hard day, a soother, a familiar friend, a 'go to' response, gradually it burrows it's way in until becoming a way of life, a dependency, your answer to everything. Once you're in its grip, it takes you years to recognise the fact by which time you're utterly dependent. Denial pervades alcoholics. Only when the alcoholic accepts he or she is powerless over it can steps be taken to address the condition, the tragedy is that most will never acknowledge their addiction. Equally tragic is that only 7% of those who do attempt sobriety sustain it.
What did alcohol do for me? It gave me occasional fun. It also gave me pallid skin, watery eyes, painful kidneys, day long hangovers, trembles, lack of concentration and a damaged liver.It gave me a collection of friends who turned out to be nothing of the sort, they were just drinking partners. It ruined family gatherings; I made an exhibition of myself at my son's christening, missed my Granny's memorial service, was ejected from football matches and rock concerts, missed holidays, ruined holidays, the list goes on and on. I slept on park benches having lost my way home, turned up drunk to meetings, ruined friendships, alienated family, lost all sense of what life was truly about. I missed out on so much that the list would be endless.
Close family and friends suffer even more, constantly picking up the pieces, feeling helpless as they watch a loved one drown in an ocean of booze fuelled regret. We alcoholics are incredibly selfish, nothing comes before us and our drink, not even our children. We're manipulative, saying anything to pacify family, to shut them up, finding ways to facilitate our drinking and excuse our behaviour. We surround ourselves with sympathetic ears who listen to us when we say sorry, we know they'll be there the next time and the time after that. Drink is the goal and nothing will get in the way. This leaves family despairing, bewildered, at their wits end. If you're close to a loved one struggling with alcohol dependency then please access the following link, there's support available to you http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk
So how have I managed twelve years of sobriety? Well all the glory goes to God and the grace he has shown me. He brought into my life a man called Peter, a counsellor, a friend, and I lived by the mantra he taught; 'People and Places', - if you mix with the same people and frequent the same places, nothing will change, if you put recovery at the centre of your life, make root and branch alterations to the way you live, there's a chance. The riches available to those who get sober are incalculable. The simple things in life, once taken for granted or ignored, become new discoveries, mini miracles. Colours become vibrant, the air smells fresh, flavours are tasted, family and friends are pleased to see you, energy replaces fatigue and you stand taller. It's a rebirth, a new life and it's priceless.
I kicked the backside out of it for nineteen years, boozing my way to the brink of oblivion before mercifully finding a way out. Believe me when I say that if I can do it, anyone can do it. There are agencies who can help provided you want it enough, drop me a line and I'll happily put you in touch.
No comments:
Post a Comment