My great Uncle Eric (Soutar) was a member of Stonehaven GC
for several years, during this time he was only once spotted playing the gully outside of a competitive round. He had zero appetite for the yomp down the path from the 13th tee and back again having teed off at the 15th. It used to miff me mightily when I'd be on a good score after twelve holes only to end up playing the field twice because Eric wouldn't play the gully. Now that I’m no longer a whipper snapper but instead a forty something with a bad back, I’m beginning to understand his stubborn reticence all those years ago. If records were produced regarding the least played holes on the course, the gully would come top by a mile. How many of us walk from the field or the 8th directly to the 16th tee instead of getting out the tie ropes and crampons?
I therefore propose that the gully is flattened. We should appoint the council to fill in
the gully with ten thousand tonnes of landfill and turf it over to create a perfectly flat walk across 13, 14 and 15. This initiative would be funded by the council since they'd be parking their waste on our property and we'd save them money since their hospitals wouldn't need to deal with sporadic heart attacks induced by wheezing pensioners hauling their trolleys up the 13th. In addition, the club will benefit from the extra years of subscription receipts members would contribute given the gully redesign would extend their lives by a couple of years minimum. I ain't stupid, I've costed this thing out and it makes absolute sense.
As a secondary proposal, were the committee so short sighted as to reject the gully landfill idea, I suggest we agree terms with a local taxi company to provide
lifts across the gully at reduced fares. A two quid return fare doesn't appear excessive and to sweeten the tender process, taxi companies can provide lifts directly from the 15th green to the clubhouse for anyone inept enough to score more than +3 during the gully holes, and charge a fiver for the privilege. 10% of this fare will be donated to the club to cover wear and tear of the path alongside the railway line and 10% towards the Alex Russon Trust Fund in respect of royalty payments since I had the gumption to come up with the idea to start with.
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