New Rule #8

Stroke Index Revision

One of SGC’s many attributes is the sensible manner in which the stroke indexes are calculated. Rather than automatically awarding high numbers to par 3’s, the club sensibly attributes stroke indexes according to difficulty and this is to be commended. This applies however only to the first twelve holes because after that all common sense seemingly flies out of the window and four of the final six holes have basket case indexes. Whoever selected the numbers for holes 13, 14, 15 and 17 needs a good talking to since they’re so far off the mark as to be on another planet. In this my eighth of ten new initiatives for Stonehaven Golf Club, I’m proposing a root and branch change of the stroke indexes.

The 13^th for example carries an index of 7 currently. 7! I’ve known players put on suicide watch after scoring more than a par on the 13th, it ought to be stroke index 19 never mind 7. This is followed by an equally inexcusable decision on the very next hole where a tricky, blind par three is deemed the 6^th easiest hole on the course when in truth players dance all the way to the next tee if they par it. But the piece de resistance, the glaring floater on the surface of a flushed lavotary, is the kamikaze farrago which sees the 15^th considered the third hardest hole on. This is insanity. Dame Edna Everidge in full ball gown and heels could par the 15^th, left handed. It’s so straightforward that my father has notched a hole-in-one on it and that was when he played off twenty one. Granted, a facing wind has you going up a club or two but nine times out of ten it’s a flick and a couple of putts.

And finally we come to the 17^th, the peskiest hole on the course. The closest I’ve come to tears outside of childbirth (attending not delivering). It’s been my scorecard shredder more times than I care to remember, the green as welcoming as my mother-in-law with its’ sloped approach sending your ball down the hill towards the 3^rd tee and enticing a couple of fluffed chips before you stomp off with a seven. The stroke index of 5 is pure comedy and must be amended forthwith. I therefore announce that 2016 will usher in a full review of the club’s stroke indexes with members being balloted before a final decision is reached. The ballot will be consigned to new members who are aged 46, have five children and a big hooter. In fact scrub that, the ballot’s already been held and here are the results, I give you the new stroke indexes for Stonehaven Golf Club (former ones in brackets) -

1^st 14      (12)                        10^th 9     (9)

2nd 2     (4)                          11^th 17   (17)

3^rd 12     (14)                        12^th 1b   (1)

4^th 3        (8)                          13^th 19   (7)

5^th 7        (2)                          14^th 6     (13)

6^th 11     (16)                        15^th 10   (3)

7^th 8        (10)                        16^th 15   (15)

8^th 18     (18)                        17^th 1a   (5)

9^th 4        (6)                          18^th 5     (11)