Plaque Of Honour
Stonehaven Golf Club prides itself on upholding the good game of golf’s
honourable traditions. Quite apart from obeying the edicts of the Royal &
Ancient Rulebook, our members diligently protect the unwritten laws of etiquette
that are synonymous with the sport. Fair play, honour, sportsmanship are all elements that Stonehaven members have in abundance...all that is except for one particular member, Keith Douglas, a man who'll cough in your backswing, walk on your
line, pinch the unearned honour and break wind while you hover over a four footer. Quite simply the man has no class whatsoever and when you throw in various other dirty tactics (dropping flagsticks to the ground as you putt, rattling his clubs back into his bag when you tee off or hacking up a greener from the depths of his boots before flobbing it onto the floor right beside your ball) you have the perfect example of a golfer lacking in every single facet of fair play.
However, I'm here to tell you that even the worst of sinners can be saved, even Keith Douglas, and I'm happy to relate an incident which occurred a short while ago that might act as a beacon to junior members of the club, illustrating that it’s never too late for any golfer to change their ways and learn to behave appropriately on a golf course.
We were playing a bounce game after work, 50p was at stake, and I was six up after six holes before knocking my teeshot on the 7th to
six inches while Douglas ferreted around his bag looking for a fresh ball. He'd put two balls out already, despite perfect conditions. A few minutes later, as
he retrieved his ball from the hole following a quintuple bogey eight, he
grudgingly mumbled “ ye can huv ‘at een” as I addressed my six inch birdie tap-in. This
represented the first putt he’d conceded since playing crazy golf with his Dad
at Codona’s in the 1970s and proves to the world that no matter how ungracious a golfer might be over a sustained period of years, and we're talking decades, redemption remains a possibility.
As testament to this event, a plaque will be erected (at Keith’s expense) adjacent to the 7th green, which members are asked to refer guests to when playing the hole. It will offer them the opportunity to explain that however reprehensible a player's historic on course behaviour, there is always the possibility of atonement.*
* Members are asked not to mention Douglas's subsequent behaviour following his benevolent concession which saw him stomp off the course having lost the
match at the 10th, daub offensive graffiti on Russon's locker and let down his tyres before exiting the car park).
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