Discipline
“ Spare the rod, spoil the child” the saying goes. While not
advocating corporal punishment for the non-repair of divots, I feel standards
of behaviour mustn’t be allowed to degenerate. I therefore propose a suite of
measures that will ensure SGC safeguards its’ good reputation in North East
golfing circles.
-Prohibition of ankle bangers.
Senior members will no longer be permitted to wear their twenty year old breeks
at half mast.
-6 month ban for
the playing of Penfold Commandos or Dunlop 65s
-Golfers who take fresh
air shots will be reported to the police
-Players scoring
over 100 will be placed into stocks on the practice putting green and pelted
with rotten fruit
-Anyone taking four
putts on one hole to be suspended
-Following sayings
are now banned from putting greens; you dropped your lipstick, dead sheep, does
your husband play?
-Failure to clear the
gully from the tee will require the culprit to reload wearing a bell encrusted
jester’s hat
-Banning of tee
pegs with mini pomp poms attached
-Two consecutive
shanks will attract a lifetime ban
The introduction of these measures can only enhance the reputation of the club. We cannot expect respect when ill attired players are swishing air shots over the
top of Penfold Commandos which they've perched on tees that are linked by string to bright yellow pom
poms.
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