Friday, 1 January 2016

New Rule #3


12th hole to become a par 5

Continuing my series of initiatives to improve the constitution of Stonehaven Golf Club, I bring you new rule number 3. But first of all, let’s take a look at some statistics:-

Number of years since I started playing the 12th: 33
Approx number of times I’ve played the 12th:      1,471
Number of times I’ve parred the 12th:                  3
My average score on the 12th:                             5.46
Number of times I’ve broken down and
wept on the 12th::                                                24
Number of balls I’ve pulled into the trees on
the bleedin’ 12th:                                                 89
Number of times I’ve dreamt of blowing
up the 12th:                                                          238

The 12th is a pig of a hole, no question, and I hereby demand that it’s changed to a par 5 without any lengthening whatsoever, in fact I’m advocating that it’s reduced in length by forty yards. In a recent survey carried out by MORI, there was a 100% backing for this proposal (admittedly only involving me and my brother Stu who I voted for by proxy) and you can’t argue with bald facts like that.

In almost fifteen hundred attempts I’ve hit the green in regulation twice, both times three putting for bogey through pure shock. My three pars, which felt like birdies, were the result of two chip-ins and a conceded twenty footer when a matchplay opponent had already racked up an eight. It’s the only hole on the course I’ve never birdied and I’m fed up trying. Turn it into a par 5 pronto and get the course’s standard scratch upped to 67.

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